INFIDELITY.
I recently read an article whose basic tenet was that men and women have somewhat different attitudes towards infidelity in their partners, to whit, that they are threatened by quite different aspects of infidelity. The gist is that, while women are somewhat threatened and shaken by finding that their partner is having sex with someone else, they are much more threatened by finding that their partner is engaged in an emotional relationship with someone else. On the other hand, men, while perhaps somewhat uncomfortable if they detect that their partner is engaged in an emotional relationship with someone else, are far more threatened if their partner is having sex with someone else.
There were two theories which seem to be coming off this concept. The first is based upon the idea of instinct, going back to the Cro Magnon days or thereabouts, such that men are more instinctively reactive to the purely sexual issue from a biological perspective, i.e., "Maybe now baby look like Og not me." On the other hand women may instinctively react to signs that the mammoth hunter may desert her as opposed to strictly mindless rutting.
The second is more a matter of upbringing, whereby on the one hand many women subconsciously - or consciously - feel that men are basically sexually irresponsible and degenerate troglodytes, and that a man having a sexual encounter, while very unpleasant, does not necessarily signify that there is any emotional involvement which would result in his abandoning her. On the other hand, if the man is in an emotional relationship with someone else, the sexual part is either probably already there or just around the corner. On the man's side, men subconsciously feel that women tend to have emotional relationships in situations which are not necessarily at all sexual or lead to sex. On the other hand, if the woman is engaging in sex, he subconsciously assumes that she is already deeply involved emotionally and may leave him.
In terms of my own experience with this, I have never engaged in infidelity although at one time or another I've had occasional - and strictly idle - fantasies. On the other hand, I have experienced infidelity by someone else about 15 years ago; in reading the article I was struck by how some of it rang true in my case. The woman in question had had several "emotional" relationships with men previously; while I was somewhat discomfited, I did not automatically assume that the relationship was at risk. However, when I found she was having sex with someone I knew that the relationship was in serious jeapordy, and in fact it ended and she started seeing this other guy and eventually married him.
Since there is a fairly good balance of mens and womens on the thread, I was wondering if anybody had any comments on this subject. No confessionals necessary (you can even say, "I have this friend who...") |
