I think suicide is awful, I had a few friends commit suicide, and it was terrible for all concerned. One lady, I never really knew why, she was my next door neighbor, she cut her wrists in the bathtub and took pills, and stuffed rags under the cracks in the door in the bathroom, but when they found her the heater was lit, so I don't know whether she turned on the gas - hope not, we lived in an apartment, anyway, she died. I think she meant to do it. Seemed pretty determined. She was young, pretty and a talented artist, but unhappy. Her parents were devastated.
I knew an older man, lonely, who shot himself. He probably was just lonely.
I knew a sort of father figure, a professor who did not get tenure because he wrote love poems to young men. He came down with hepatitis C. Maybe he had AIDS, but if he did, it was early, not debilitating yet.
All three of them died after we had had uncomfortable exchanges, and I felt bad because I could never make up with them. The first man killed himself after I was appointed to a political position that he wanted. The second man killed himself after we had a falling out over a business deal. I don't think I was responsible in either event, but I have always felt guilty. |
