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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi
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To: Rambi who wrote (17803)2/21/1999 11:32:00 AM
From: Jacques Chitte  Read Replies (2) of 71178
 
You are the victim of Exponential Radial Deviation. It is a direct consequence of not having three hands to reroll the, uhm, facial tissue. TP is a little stretchy - and it is natural for it to stretch unevenly if you hold it off the centerline of the ribbon. If the ribbon is even minutely off on one side, that side is a little thinner and a little longer. That means that even if the paper is unstretched from there on in it will veer ever more quickly to the thick side - until in a revolution and a half it is crushing itself into the space between the roll and the bracket.
Of course we don't want that, so we kinda subconsciously tweak the paper over when it appears to be picking a side. Little do we realize we are precipitating a portentious manifestation of the dark side of physics. (We will not learn. Why am I not surprised.) This intuitive adjustment stretches&thins it - setting up a runaway wander over to the other bracket. All these corrections then have the overall inaccuracy of an old person driving a Buick Electra very fast in reverse (after tippling a bit too much Riesling).
If you had two hands to feed the ribbon of paper and a third one to turn the roll - you probably would be able to do a pretty credible job of getting it back the way it was.
A machinist could rig you an overspool which has hard plates set to within a thousandth of the axial dimension of the roll in question. You could carefully dismount the troubled item, mount it in this fixture and have a pair of guide plates neatly steering the paper back onto its properly-aligned underlayers.
A technical tour de force in the quest to banish the heartbreak of ERD. (Or we could elect to just not care and banish the family to wipe its collective - noses - with something that looks like a fluffy football.)
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