Anil you know 'Why do women cry'? Damned if I know,well actually now I know.<g>
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Why do women cry?
By:Shoba De
Show me a man who can answer that accurately and I shall happily induct him into my personal Hall of Fame. Men believe women cry when they want something. They're wrong. Men do not understand women's tears. And that's that. Last week a dear friend called to narrate a sob-story. Her own. Here's a tough woman, an aggressive journalist, and a capable family person. And yet, on the eve of a significant birthday she cancelled a carefully planned night on the town with her loving husband, and chose to stay home. And cry. She wept buckets. No special reason. She wasn't angry. She wasn't sulking. She wasn't hurt. Tears were overdue, that's all. Her husband was completely flummoxed. And did what any flummoxed husband would do got irritated and asked for an 'explanation'. Naturally there was none. The woman cried because she felt like a good cry. And there was nothing more to 'explain'. Unlike the average dumb spouse, this particular gentleman had the good sense to leave his wife alone. Not just that, he tucked her into bed solicitously, switched off the lights, instructed their two children not to disturb mama and sat patiently in the living room reading a book.
I asked my friend whether she had any idea at all as to why she had broken down that evening. She did. A pretty good one. "I felt like I had been living someone else's life. I felt as if I was acting in some absurd play without an ending. I felt panic-stricken. And finally angry. This wasn't what I wanted at all. This was not the life I'd have chosen for myself had it been left to me." I made all the right noises girl-friends are supposed to make at such moments. I cooed. I cluck-clucked. I said, "Hmmmm." And I kept quiet. I knew she was not looking for answers. She didn't need advice. And she wasn't asking for solutions. All my friend wanted was the chance to talk without interruption. It was her time to unload. And she needed to do that without having to 'justify' her tears. It's so simple.
Why then don't men understand this need? And let women weep in peace? Why do they imagine we need their expert views on how to 'deal' with life at moments like this? We know how to deal with life, dammit. But right now, we want to cry, okay?
Obviously it's not okay. Female tears scare men. They can't handle them. And because they can't handle them, they react foolishly. Either they get angry and impatient. Or they offer 'help'. Thanks, but no thanks. Women cry from time to time because they feel like crying. Crying makes them experience a lightness of being. Takes their mind off the ordinariness of domestic routine. While the tears flow, they are absolved of all 'duties'. They are free to behave as naturally as children. For that all-too-short a duration, they don't have to bother about their 'responsibilities'. Tears liberate women from themselves. And are entirely therapeutic. Is that too tough to comprehend? Well, fine. Don't understand. Just let women cry their eyes out, please, without ruining it for them.
When my friend mentioned her pain over playing a role she didn't particularly like, I told her she wasn't alone in feeling thataway. Ninety-five per cent of women the world over feel exactly the same way at some stage in their lives. I've heard women in their seventies articulating their anguish and rage. I've seen 'happily married' young women choking back their anger while discussing their predicament. Perhaps it's a state unique to women. I don't know. Maybe it has to do with the unequal distribution of power within marriage. Men don't have a sense of that mainly because they don't experience the same sort of deprivation.
I asked my friend, the birthday girl, how the crisis resolved itself. She laughed. "The moment of truth arrived dramatically but disappeared in a quiet, unobtrusive way. I slept off my depression. And bounced back to my 'normal' self the next morning." Her husband was hugely relieved. It wasn't anything 'major' he reasoned. Just the usual woman-thing. You know tears for no reason. He looked at his wife's composed face and grinned broadly. Was it 'that' time of the month already? he asked. She lied that it was. That made him feel good. See? He'd figured it out. So that's what all the fuss was about. Hormones. Hormones. My friend grabbed her laptop and rushed to work. She knew she'd merely postponed confronting the problem. Bought time. With tears. But that was still a small price to pay.
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