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Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet.
Robin William
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as
the only time of the month that I can be myself.
Roseanne
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Billy Crystal
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of
other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of
course, men are just grateful.
Jay Leno
In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra.
Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough
attention to women's breasts?
Jay Leno
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many
men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they
cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
Jay Leno
The post office says they're raising the price of stamps by one
cent because they need to upgrade their equipment. Apparently,
they're going from semi-automatics to uzis.
Conan O'Brien
A survey says that American workers work the first three hours
every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get
anything done in the morning: We're government workers!
Jay Leno
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny
into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him
shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
Tim Allen
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
George Carlin
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his
house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
When I was in the Boy Scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my
ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.
Steven Wright
After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?"
And she said, "I don't think this was good for anybody."
Gary Shandling
The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a
desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have
fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the
wrong house.
Jeff Foxworthy
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