[Zombie 5, Zombie 5, this is Zombie 3. Over.]
[Hi Surfer, I mean Zombie 3, this is Zombie 5, over.]
[Zombie 5, go to your Bookmarks and click on "Don't Ask Rambi", over.]
[Surfer, I'm kinda in the middle of something. (snigger)]
[Zombie 5, just do it. Trust me. Do it now. Over.]
[OK, OK, Zombie 3, I just moved to Rambi. Over.]
[Zombie 5, good, now Gomer, don't go back there, OK? It's evil. Delete that bookmark. Over.]
[OK, Surfer. Hey, Surfer?]
[Zombie 5, you have to use the proper form on this channel. Switch to Channel 5 if you want to BS. Over.]
[Zombie 3, Channel 5, roger that. Switching to Channel 5. Over.]
[OK, Gomer. What do you want?]
[Surfer, that porn sight was kind of scary they had…]
[Yeah, I know. Just let it go. It's over. It's not for us. What else?]
[Well, I don't understand what's going on. We are supposed to be on a mission, you keep typing "over bracket", there's a house with a party there's Japanese monsters and some kind of Club Panatour and a general with a split personality and a giant chicken and a spaceship with a girl named Vagina and I got clicked over to a porn site. I don't see how it all fits together.]
[OK, Gomer. Zombie 2 said we have to use "over" and "brackets". That's a "rule". The brackets are used to indicate that we are on radios. But if I type the word bracket instead of typing a bracket, I'm breaking the rules, and it's funny. Get it? It's literature. Zombie 4 was whispering, so all his words were lower case. You misspell words, so you appear to be ignorant. I know you're not really, that's just the way it appears, because Zombie 1 was making fun of some attorney on some other thread. The Vagina thing seems like it might be porn, but it's literature. The author puts the word vagina in the first line of the text, so when you scroll, you see it, and it catches your attention. Then you find out it's a character's name! It's funny! You have to twist the rules without breaking them so badly that you don't make sense. It's a fine line. You can help out here by using your spell-checker. It's really hard to tell if it's you that's screwing up or it's Zombie 1 screwing up, and Zombie 1 doesn't want to give the wrong impression. So, use your spell-checker, OK?]
[Oh. Yeah, I guess. OK, well then, what's the Club Panatour thing?]
[Hey, that's better! Good job, buddy! One of the other people started that. See, there are a bunch of people all writing things. Each person reads what the other one writes and then they write something using some of those ideas. Mostly it's funny, because they are breaking the rules in a creative way. It's a little confusing, I know. But it's fun. That's the point. The bad part is we don't get any money.]
[So the other people wrote the stuff about the party and the Club Panatour and Eeeemelda, and all those big words like antediluvian and the word "taht" which is "that" with the middle two letters reversed, and the poetry, that's all different people being creative?]
[Right, dude, you got it.]
[And then somebody else uses those ideas and writes something funny?]
[Eeyup, that's the concept. Sometimes it's funnier than other times.]
[What about the banter?]
[That's a little tougher. The banter can be literature too. I guess it all depends on whether or not you find it interesting. I think most of it is really entertaining. It gets ugly when people just know they are right and get pissed off, or get really serious, but that doesn't happen much with Rambi around. Just pay attention to the stuff you enjoy. Everyone has the right to communicate, no matter how strange they may appear. It's the Internet.]
[OK, well, where do we come in? Zombie 2 said we were going to get paid for this, and now you say we won't. And what about the car lady and the porn sight? Did someone make that stuff up too? And wouldn't that get a little crazy? Am I just a metaphor for some dillweed attorney? And these mosquito bites, they itch a lot for just pretend.]
[Geez, dude, the car lady and the porn site are real. The rest is literature; at least most of it. It's kinda hard to tell where the real stuff ends off and the make-believe starts sometimes. As long as the writers are good, it should be OK. It's when you get the bad writing that it gets grim. And don't hold yer breath waiting for a check. People just want to do things that they enjoy, even if they don't get paid. Of course, if they are on welfare, it's different.]
[But how am I supposed to tell the difference between the real stuff and the literature? What about Zombie 4? He got eaten by the flying monster, right? Does that mean he really isn't dead?]
[Good question. I'm not the smartest guy in literature, but I think Zombie 4 is gone. Zombie 1 needed to prove a point I guess; so Action Jackson is history. We thought you were gone, too, but you aren't, and that makes me feel better.]
[Me too, Surfer. So what do I do if I get confused again? Will the flying monster grab me or the car attack me again? What about the words I don't understand? Will I catch malaria or turn into an attorney?]
[Nah, don't worry. See, there has to be a "baseline". I'm the baseline for us. I make jokes, watch out for you, and get the last word. Zombie 2 is kinda crazy, (don't tell him, he's basically OK) and we all interact and get something done. Have your online dictionary bookmarked, and if something goes wrong, we'll just edit it out or twist it around to make it funny. You stick with me, and you'll be fine, OK?]
[OK. About the "get something done" part…get what done, exactly?]
[We don't know yet. That's what makes it literature, buddy. It's sorta like several artists all painting the same painting. We follow a few rules, and then there's supposed to be a Big Meaning. We all hope.]
[…as opposed to porn?]
[Right! Exactly! Now you're catching on. Use your spell-checker and stay away from the car lady and the porn sites. Watch for bad writing and don't get too hung up on the overall meaning, it's the ride that counts. Don't forget the apostrophes, and it's porn site, not porn sight.]
[Surfer, is that why nobody knows who Zombie 1 is? Literature?]
[That's a good reason. Another one is maybe nobody has bothered to think up the character yet. Could be Rambi herself for all we know.]
[OK, so all I have to do is pay attention. That's easy enough.]
[Right. The more you read, the better you'll get.]
[Should we switch back to Channel 1 and see what's going to happen next?]
[Copy that, Zombie 5! Get your field pack ready, and move out. Zombie 5, Zombie 5, this is Zombie 3, switch to Channel 1, over.]
[OK, Surfer. Thanks. I got taht now. We're somewhere between Plato and Play-Doh. Over brackets.]
[Hey, dude! LOL! Over.]
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