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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!!
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To: E who wrote (32875)3/19/1999 8:20:00 PM
From: nihil  Read Replies (1) of 108807
 
Dear E,

I thought I knew a lot about you, but I didn't know about your daughter. The interesting thing to me about mental sex is that most of us should be able to control and influence our own perceptions. This is the gift of our frontal lobes which remember are purely animal themselves. When we observe sexual reproduction in organisms with shorter evolutionary trees, we are usually struck by the impersonality (imanimality?) of it all. Yet there are so many exceptions. To watch bower birds mate shows so highly organized behavior that it is hard to believe that there is not some self-conscious planning going on. To contrast the mating of betios and convict cichlids (who are both assiduous parents) and zebra danios (who couldn't care less -- even eat their eggs and young) its hard not to believe that much of what we think as parental love is "purely animal."
I've asked myself with dying relatives if anything really mattered or why I was affected so much by there loss. I cannot prove it, but I am convinced that in our animal human processes there is a bond between a woman and her child that is organic. The accommodation of a woman to her child in utero is substantial and more than genetic. I think it likely that when a surrogate mother carries another's embryo there is substantial biological bonding, exchange of antibodies and perhaps cells through the placenta.
One thing I believe -- that the mother-child bond is animal, organic, physiological and not wholly post-natally learned. I know that parents and children can learn to hate each other, but it seems very unnatural and very uncommon and takes a lot of work.
Another thing I believe is that our love for others is a generalization of our love for our mothers. Most mothers are pretty good. Most of us start with a favorable view of humanity because of this. Anyone who starts with a bad mother, starts with a handicap. There are underlying differences among people that are genetically based, but the behavioral influence of mothers on young children I believe is by far the most important influence that nature has on the individual.
It would not surprise me in the least if it were demonstrated that strong mother-daughter bonds and strong mother-son bonds were essential to workable adult sexual relationships in most societies.
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