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Pastimes : Jokes

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To: Hart who wrote (1863)3/28/1999 4:04:00 AM
From: Barney  Read Replies (1) of 2733
 
<< 30 Ways to Have an Extra-Specially Fun Time At WalMart!
>PLUS A GREAT WAY TO BEAT THE JANUARY BLAHS!
>
>1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and
stranding
>them
>at strategic locations.
>
>2. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they
don't
>realize it.
>
>3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout
the
>day.
>
>4.Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs
together
>and practically yell at him " I need some tampons.
>
>5. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
>
>6. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
>
>7. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "I
>smell sex
> and candy"
>
>8. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've
>got a
>Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
>
>9. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn
>the volumes to "10."
>
>10.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
>
>11. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
>
>12. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other
aisles.
>
>13. Put M&M's on layaway.
>
>14. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
>
>15. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite
>them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath
>
>16. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air
>fresheners.
>
>17. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
>
>18. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't
you
>people just leave me alone?"
>
>19. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you
>pick your nose.
>
>20. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield
>with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
>
>21. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
>
>22. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk
>if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
>
>23. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the
>restrooms.
>
>24. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
>"Mission:Impossible."
>
>25. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
>
>26. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various
>funnels.
>
>27. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things
>like "pick me !! pick me!!" and scare them into believing that the clothes
>are talking to them.
>
>28. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal
position
>and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
>
>29. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
>
>30. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.
>
>If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get
>out much,and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
>>
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