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Pastimes : Jokes
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To: John Messbauer who wrote (1951)4/7/1999 3:23:00 PM
From: Barney  Read Replies (1) of 2733
 
WAYS TO HANDLE STRESS

1. Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.

2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa bill.

3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.

4. When someone says, "Have a nice day," tell them you have other plans.

5. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.

6. Forget the Diet Center and send yourself a candygram.

7. Make a list of things that you've already done.

8. Dance naked in front of your pets.

9. Put your toddler's clothes on him backwards and send him off to preschool as if nothing was wrong.

10. Retaliate for tax woes by filling out your tax forms with Roman numerals.

11. Tattoo "out to lunch" on your forehead.

12. Tape pictures of your boss to watermelons and launch them from high places.

13. Leaf through National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives.

14. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.

15. Buy a subscription to Sleezoid Weekly and send it to your boss' wife.

16. Pay your electric bill in pennies.

17. Drive to work in reverse.

18. Relax by mentally reflecting on your favorite episode of the "Flintstones" during that important finance meeting.

19. Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.

20. Refresh yourself. Put your tongue on a cold steel guardrail.

21. Tell your boss to blow it out at his mule and let him figure it out.

22. Polish your car with ear wax.

23. Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.

24. Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.

25. Bill your doctor for the time spent in his waiting room.

26. Braid the hairs in each nostril.

27. Write a short story, using alphabet soup.

28. Lie on your back eating celery....using your navel as a salt dipper.

29. Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.

30. Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend that you're in jail. Scream, "Let me out!!!!"

31. make up a language and ask people for directions.
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