As Bomb Supplies Dwindle, Military Is Looking For Something New to Drop on Yugoslavia
As NATO air strikes intensify, U.S. bomb
supplies have dropped to their lowest levels
since the Mexican-American War. U.S.
military officials have lobbied Congress for an
increase in military spending, but Clinton has
threatened to veto any legislation that would
seek to replenish military arsenals. Said White
House Press Secretary, Joe Lockhart, "The
President will not allow Congress to increase
military spending by one cent until we save
Social-Security. Our military leaders have been put on notice that they will need to
develop creative ways of carrying out the war in Yugoslavia."
Two hours after Lockhart's press conference, the Joint Chiefs unveiled a plan to
drop watermelons on Serb Forces. When asked if the watermelons would be
effective in diminishing Serb military strength, one military spokesman told reporters,
"Our preliminary tests have shown that a watermelon traveling at Mach one can
inflict substantial damage. We could be loading warplanes with the deadly fruit as
early as tonight.
In a related story, Democrats on Capital Hill have introduced legislation that would
require a 10 day waiting period and mandatory FBI background checks for
super-market shoppers seeking to purchase watermelons. |
