> How to get into Heaven
>
> Heaven was getting crowded, so God decided to change the admittance
policy.
> The new rule was, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a
really
> bummer day on the day you died. The policy went into effect at noon
the next day.
>
> So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of
Heaven.
> The Angel at the gate, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in
tell me how your day was going when you died.
>
> "No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment
on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. Her lover was
nowhere in sight, so I immediately began searching for him. My wife
was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.
>
> Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the
balcony and noticed a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips!
> The nerve of the guy!
>
> Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until
he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some
trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked
me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first
thing could get my
> hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing thought of
was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony,
and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!
> The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack
and died almost instantly."
>
> The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did
have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announces,
"OK, sir.
> Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven" and let him in.
>
> A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise,
it was Vernon Jordan.
>
> "Mr. Jordan, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what
your day was like when you died."
>
> Jordan said, "No problem, but you're not going to believe this. I
was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily
exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing
hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away,
slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to
catch myself by the finger tips on the balcony below mine. But all of
a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts
cursing, and stomps on my fingers.
> Well of course, I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom
which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there
face up on the ground, unable to move, in excruciating pain, I see
this guy push his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It
falls 25 floors and lands on top of me killing me instantly."
>
> The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Jordan finishes his
story.
> "I could get used to this new policy", he thinks to himself. "Very
well,' the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and
he lets Vernon enter.
>
> A few seconds later, President Clinton comes up to the gate. The
Angel is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and
war go through the Angel's head. Finally he says "Mr. President,
please tell me, what was it like the day you died?"
>
> Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked inside a
refrigerator..."
|
