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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!!

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To: Ilaine who wrote (35078)	4/17/1999 5:18:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) of 108807

Knowing that Joan will be reading this posting, I too wish to thank her for the link. We all keep sliding into the "men do" and "women do" trap. Some men treat some women very casually. Some women do the same to some men. Interestingly, though, I don't think it has much to do with "looseness" on the part of the women. (Gasp! Mother may have been off base scaring us witless about the dangers of being thought "cheap"?) It has to do with what is going on in a man's mind and how he justifies his behavior--beyond its being the equivalent of jerking off in the morning shower, a quick relief. A woman whom a man "uses" as a "right hand with lots of interesting features" is still a person, those features go beyond breasts and wetness and some flattering moans and twitches. I think that many men find it difficult to think of another person as a disposable receptacle unless they are drunk. Even if they do not feel the urge to form a really lasting relationship, it is too extreme to dismiss them out of hand as simply using the women; there can be real affection and caring desire as well as seeking to sate lust. I suspect that there are many women who have had affairs who have felt much the same about their lovers. The affair is not a lifelong passion or a lifelong love, but it is not casual and meaningless either. We see such affairs between friends at times. Which is not to say that men--and women--do not sometimes want or wonder about what Erica Jong termed so accurately "the zipless fuck"--the pure sexual experience with no emotional complications and no aftermath, enjoyed out of time, as it were. And then there are the devoted relationships of which you are speaking, CB. Even if they don't last for a lifetime and even if they are not totally singular (meaning that there can be more than one such relationship), these are the relationships of love. The lovers do give a certain dominion over the heart to each other.

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