dude, it was the weirdest thing! I was sitting there, poring over a map of the Northwest Territory and a stack of ephemerides when I was mickeyed! I came to in the back of a minivan: stripped, bound, a hood cinched over my head and very uncomfily dumped onto 40lb bags of oranges!
The van pulled into what musta been a clearing in the woods (I could hear trees, sylphs&stuff) which smelled of druids, fluids and old leather. A priestess of a sort I'd not before encountered intoned a sentence against me for chestbeating w/o a license. The gather'd mob chanted affirmation and with a wild whoop relocated my bonds onto a pile of German coal! Then I was subjected to this totally gnarly spanking ritual. I felt bare hands, gloved hands, a conductor's baton, some feet with frosting on 'em, tentacles (???) and i'd swear a mule's tongue!
Then there was a fearsome drawing-back of a pair of subgun bolts and... well right around then I just like passed out, you know?
Now I find myself in a deserted place rosy-tushed wearing just a tie-dyed flak jacket spattered in&out with Gummi Bears, some of which have been X'ed on the head with a Ka-Bar in apparent contravention of the Geneva Accord. Here, take the red ones please; I sorta like the orange&green ones for myself.
If theyda left me my pants I would still have the card from that dude at the Weekly World News; he's done me favors before.
Later Alex |
