Hello?
Scully?
Yes?
It's me. Are you alone?
Yes. Well, er, no, not quite, the, er, pool boy is here, uh, mmmm, thanks, Renaldo, see you next week. So, ah, what is it?
Have you spoken to Skinner today?
No, why?
Well, you know that dumb case we were supposed to start next week? The cardboard box magnate in Sheboygan who's accused of using less than 35% post-consumer waste in his so-called "recycled" cartons?
Yeah, I was really looking forward to that one, been reading up on cellulose fiber all weekend. Did you know the nutritional value of a box of Corn Flakes is less than the box it's packaged in?
No kidding! Great DD! Anyway, forget Sheboygan, Skinner's put us on a real hot case, and, get this, he promised that if we crack this one, he might put us back on the real X-Files!!!
Cool your jets, big boy. You know there's no way they're going to give us a real X-File case until the May sweeps. So what is this case, anyway?
I'm not exactly sure. He just told me to check out something on the internet called "webnose," he said it was really just a joke, funnier than the Quayle presidential campaign, but that he had orders from the very top to make a big deal about taking care care of it.
Webnose? What's a webnose?
I don't know yet. The producer told me to make it seem real mysterious until after the second commercial break.
Well, I've got my laptop right here by the lounger. Let's take a look. W-E-B-N-O-S-E…hmm, that's strange…
What is?
All the search engines I tried come back with "reference deleted." Hang on a second, I've got a call on the other line. Hello? Yes, sir….no, not yet. Uh, huh…abducted, you say? Really? Yes, sir, proctology, two years as an intern, I think I'm more than qualified…OK, I'm on my way now, yes, sir, goodbye, sir.
Was that Skinner?
Yes. You and I are booked on the next flight to San Francisco. Seems there's some little company out there that puts out corporate press releases over the internet. They're somehow connected with this webnose thing. All the employees report abduction-type experiences, neck implants, partial removal of certain cerebral areas, typical stuff. But there is one rather unusual aspect: Skinner told me to pack plenty of latex gloves. Apparently they all have giant alien bugs up their asses. |
