VOLUME 1 ISSUE 27cOUSIN SHORTYS FREE FREE CHICKEN SHEEt UNDERVALUED EMAIL TIP SHEET RUMOR NEWSLETTER!!!! (c)cOUSIN SHORTY
SPAciAL LEGAL UPDate WATch WHAT yOO SAY OR we wILL COme AFTER YOO TOO and CALl the FBI thaTS what you biG FAT STupids it SNOT FUNNy EDIDTION!!!!!!!!! #Subject-27856
HHEllO HEllO AGAian ALL MY FREinds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
AHA AHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Im HEar with "PHIl" WHO does Not WNat his Last NAMe maDE publiC. PHil HAs been hired to PUrsue the LEGAL CASe against the BATGUAnoWIRE CONSPIraCY!!!!!!! HE WIll FILl ALL THE CHHIckensheet REaders on HTE FAX!!!!
cS: WELCome tho the spaceCRaft PHIL!!!!!!!!!!
P: [laughing loudly]
cS: PHIl, thanks for droppING BY! WHAts so FUNNY?
P: [laughs even louder] Sorry, cOUSIN. I can't help it. [starts laughing again]
cS: SO WHAts the DEal DooD?
P: OK, get this: Batguanowire has hired us to sue these people for putting up a joke website on April Fool's Day. They have been doing it every April Fool's Day for three years. It's a tradition. It's Art! Not to mention the First Amendment. And the Batguanowire part was minor. Nothing to do with the gag hardly. But somebody isn't happy about the potential repercussions. [starts laughing again] Wait, I'll be OK. [laughing] OK. I'm OK. Hey, cOUSIN, you have anything to drink? Lemonade maybe?
cS: SURe DooD! HEar you go! [hands Phil a glass of lemonade. Phil takes a sip, and breathes deeply]
P: Thanks, cOUSIN. OK. [starts laughing again]
cS: Yoo OK< DOoD?
P: [laughing] Yeah, I'm fine. Just gimme a second here. [stops laughing] [starts laughing again] [breathes deeply, and stops laughing] OK, I'm OK. What's the question? [starts laughing again]
cS: What's so FUNNy DooD?
P: I'm expecting a call from L. Norman Nimrod-Fleece, corporate counsel for Batguanowire. I have to be serious. I can't let on about this. [starts laughing again] This moron thinks that we can win this case for him! I think he got his law degree at DeVry. [laughs louder]
And they are paying us, cOUSIN! They are paying us with money they collected for publishing press releases from Bulletin Board stock companies! Press releases that were, uh, allegedly possibly not entirely factual in every regard it might possibly be we don't know for sure it's just a personal opinion. [laughing very loudly]
cS: [laughs] YEAH I sEa what you MEAn. IROny, eh?
P: [busts out laughing very loudly] Yeah, you might call it that. [laughing] Anyway, we have to keep a straight face on this. You can't let the client know they are total fools. [wipes tears from eyes]
[Phil's cell phone rings]
cS: THAt mighT BE L. NORMAn now, eh?
P: Yeah, OK, check it out. No laughing, now, cOUSIN. [breathes deeply and answers the phone]
<<Yello. Yes, Norm. Right. Yes. Yes, we saw the press release. Well, I would have worded it a little differently, but what's done is done. [holds phone away from mouth, laughs, takes breath, and continues]
<<Right. Well, we'll have to put a few more people on it. No, I wouldn't call this a slam dunk for you. No. Nope. Nope. This is tricky, Norm. We need to really have things set up right for this. Yes. Yes, that's right. I'd say another 1000 hours. [holds phone away from mouth, laughs again, another breath, continues]
<<I know that sounds like a lot. There are subtle things about this that we need to be totally prepared for. Yes. Oh, yes, we are doing everything. Yes, I understand. You bet. Don't worry, we're on it.
<<What's that? Well, that is covered by the First Amendment. The First Amendment. The Constitution. The Constitution of the United States of America. Right. You on the Internet? OK, anybody there on the Internet? OK, search for "The Bill of Rights". Yeah. B-I-L-L O-F R-I-G-H-T-S. Right. You can't miss it. And send that wire over right away, will you? Great. Uh...nope. Actually, I'm booked for lunch. Right. Till next year. Right. OK, Norm. Right. You got it. No problem. Right. Bye.>>
[hangs up and bursts out laughing really hard]
P: Man, that was hard. This job is not easy sometimes, you know? [still laughing] He's wiring the money over today. Man, that cracks me up. You know what I mean? That's some funny stuff, man.
cS: MORe LEMonade, DooD?
P: Yeah, thanks. You got any Cheetos? [laughing]
cS: AAHA HAH A HAH AHAHAHAHAHAH AHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
WelL thaST IS FOR now! STAy tunED For MORE DEVEOpwmensts in The NIMRod Vs. APRil FOols JOke THAt can ONly GEt funNIER!!!!!
THis is cOUSIN SHORTY remINding you THAT you LIVe in the BEST cOUNTRY on YOUR PLAnt if you LIVe in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, and
SeA YO AT the TOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cOUSIN SHORTY |
