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Pastimes : Jokes
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To: Don S.Boller who wrote (2024)4/27/1999 8:30:00 PM
From: Adelantado  Read Replies (3) of 2733
 
Qantas squawks

Here are some actual maintenance complaints generally known as
> >squawks
> >or problems submitted recently by Qantas pilots to maintenance
> >engineers.
> >After attending to the squawks prior to the aircraft's next flight, the
> >maintenance crews are required to log the details of action taken as a
> >solution to the pilot's squawks. The following are some recent squawks
> >and
> >subsequent responses by maintenance crews.
> >>>
> >>> (P) is the problem logged by the pilot, and
> >>> (S) marks the solution and action taken by maintenance engineers.
> >>>
> >>> (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
> >>> (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
> >>>
> >>> (P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
> >>> (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
> >>>
> >>> (P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
> >>> (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal--#1, #3 and #4 propellers lack
> >
> >normal seepage
> >>>
> >>> (P) Something loose in cockpit
> >>> (S) Something tightened in cockpit
> >>>
> >>> (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
> >>> (S) Evidence removed
> >>>
> >>> (P) DME volume unbelievably loud
> >>> (S) Volume set to more believable level
> >>>
> >>> (P) Dead bugs on windshield
> >>> (S) Live bugs on backorder
> >>>
> >>> (P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm
> >descent
> >>> (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground
> >>>
> >>> (P) IFF inoperative
> >>> (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
> >>>
> >>> (P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
> >>> (S) That's what they're there for!!
> >>>
> >>> (P) Number three engine missing
> >>> (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
> >>>
> >>> (P) Aircraft handles funny
> >>> (S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be
> >serious!!
> >>>
> >>> (P) Target Radar hums
> >>> (S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words
> >>>
> >>>
> >>
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