Teach your children well..
CNS / IowaHawk's Twisted News
4/28/99 David Burge, the IowaHawk
Las Vegas - The battle for teenage hearts, minds and pocketbooks heated up last week, when over 10,000 conventioneers gathered for 'InfoPsychoEduComaCon 12' at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas.
It was a record turnout for the annual IPECAC tradeshow, which gives makers of teen-targeted video games, movies and music a chance to showcase their latest products. With over $70 billion in teen disposable income up for grabs each year, the IPECAC conference has become an important event on the Wall Street calendar as well. "Adolescent mayhem is a growth industry," noted Bret McElhenny, senior analyst at Kidder-Peabody.
A diverse crowd of industry insiders, investors and teen gaming enthusiasts were on hand for this year's IPECAC show, which carried the theme of "Makin' It Real."
Conference vendors seem to have taken the message to heart. After posting disappointing sales in 1998, the video game industry is back with hundreds of new sophisticated offerings. "We learned our lesson last year," said spokesman Kevin Telford of video game maker Lobotomix. "Kids today are easily bored with the same old, tired, low-resolution evisceration graphics. This year we're kicking it up a notch, taking it to the next level."
Telford proudly points to Lobotomix's new 'Lunchroom Rampage,' the follow-up to their popular 64-bit game 'Study Hall Storm Trooper.' Featuring jaw-dropping 128-bit video, players furiously compete to avenge insults from cyber bullies before the 5th period bell. "We expect LRR to be a monster hit," said Telford. "The school vengeance theme seems to connect with a lot of kids."
Telford appears to be right, judging by the reactions of Cameron Byers and Jared Polkinghorn. Self-confessed "video and movie freaks," the two 16-year old sophomores from Vacantia High School in Apathy Hills, California make a yearly pilgrimage to Las Vegas to sample the latest in teen-oriented entertainment.
“Whoa, dude, this is awesome!” enthuses Byers, as he cyber-strafes a table of freshmen for 10,000 bonus points. “Much cooler than Random Spree III.”
“Watch it dude, it's the SWAT team!” warns Polkinghorn. “Hit the sarin button!”
The popularity of school-related action has not escaped other video game makers. 'Lunchroom Rampage' is expected to get strong competition from other school-related video games, such as Ritalin Ninja III, from Mindless Entertainment, and Headline Maker, from hot newcomer Self Esteem Games.
Telford said 'Lunchroom Rampage' will be in national arcade distribution by June, and that Playstation and Nintendo versions (expected street price $49.95) would be ready for the all-important Christmas shopping season.
A decidedly retro appeal is at the heart of 'Malt Shop Machete Massacre,' the new arcade release from Walt Disney Imagineering. With a plot reminiscent of 'Back to the Future,' players of MSMM are whisked via time machine to the conformist 1950s. Once there, they must vanquish boring two-parent families and annoying 'squares' using makeshift hacking weapons.
"Kids will go nut for the vintage 1950's digital film clips in MSMM," said spokesman Scott Boucher of Disney. "Once they hack through the Cleavers, the Nelsons, the Andersons and Dobie Gillis, they can ‘get medieval' on Disney's very own Mouseketeers."
The sheer volume of new video game titles was seen by some analyst as a threat to the supremacy of Satano's 'Lurid Kombat,' the all-time arcade favorite that spawned two movies and a popular Saturday morning TV series. "When it was introduced in 1994, Lurid Kombat absolutely blew me away," said Chris Hewitt of Arcade Loner magazine. "The graphics, the action - it was really cutting edge. But now, with all these great new titles out, beating a victim to death with his own severed limbs just seems kind of quaint and boring."
Satano's chief game designer, Frank Ocasio, is unruffled by such comments. "That talk will dry up next month when we roll out Lurid Kombat IV," he promised with a knowing wink.
According to Ocasio, LK4 will feature a photo-scanner interface, allowing players a new level of role playing realism. "Let's say you want to battle someone," said Ocasio. "Just scan in their photo and voila! They're at your mercy. Classmates, teachers, your dad's new bitch girlfriend, whoever."
Another trend evident from the IPECAC show was the emergence of games targeted for specific segments of the teen market. "The video game market used to be the exclusive realm of older teenage boys, but not anymore," explained Larry Kelleher of Wasteland Games. “Our industry has begun to provide products for previously neglected segments, like preteens and girls.”
As an example, Kelleher points to ‘Krispy Kritters,' Wasteland's new comical animal arson game targeted at the 4-11 age group. Other new preteen titles include 'Latchkey Lunatics,' 'Slayground' and 'Whee! Mom's Not Home!'
Girls also get into the act in 1999, with titles like ‘Prom Freakout,' ‘Where's Baby?' and ‘You Go Girl, All the Way to Hell.'
In addition to the wide variety of video game options, the IPECAC conference showcased several new internet services targeted at adolescents. "Our research shows that teenagers spend an enormous amount of time on line," said Katy Anderson of About2Snap.com. "We provide a forum for these kids to blow off steam - discuss what's hot, what's not. A place to talk about the things and people they really, really, really hate. And what they want to do about them."
Ryan Sewell, the 17-year old Austin, Texas wunderkind behind the popular teen website reredruMssaMeganeeT.com, said his forum focuses on practical solutions to teen classroom problems. "Let's say you're working on a chemistry project, involving volatile nitrates or mustard gas compounds," said Sewell. "We have handy links to get you the all information and materials you need."
Fellow internet entrepreneur Bill Gunder said he created his site to bridge the generation gap. "There's a lot of misunderstanding today between adults and teenagers," he said, explaining the philosophy behind WantSomeCandy.com.
"Our chat forum provides a place for concerned, caring adults to discuss important issues with taut, lithe, suggestible youngsters," Gunder, 53. "I fervently hope that my site will finally bring adults and kid together. Perhaps at a local interstate rest stop."
The latest releases from Hollywood were also on prominent display at the IPECAC conference. The film industry rediscovered the all-important teen market in 1997, after the Garbimax's low budget ‘Teacher's Lounge Bloodfeast' raked in a cool $135 million at the box office. Since then, IPECAC has become a must stop for movie mavens, rivaling Cannes and Sundance.
By any measure, teens will have an abundance of options at the box office in 1999. Slated for summer release are such teen-friendly titles as 'I Know Where You Live, Bastard,' 'Don't Look in the Vegetable Crisper,' 'Fleshgrinder XIV: They Had It Coming,' the latest installment in the popular 'Upchucky' series.
Like their big-screen counterparts, television executives have also rediscovered the teen market. "We're currently developing pilots for five high quality, teen-oriented series," said Hyperactive Entertainment chief Barry Rifkin. "We've already gotten network deals for Teen Vampire Slut and Satan Rules."
Continuing a recent trend, the seven major networks are scheduling several teen-age soap operas, including Slut Valley, Slut Creek, Party of Sluts, Slutsville USA, and Porno Place, a spin-off from the popular Horny High series.
Hyperactive Entertainment also announced the home video release of 'North Crap,' the Yuk Channel animated series which follows the adventures of a quartet of cute, crudely drawn children from North Crap, Minnesota. Asked to explain his series' wild popularity with teens, 'North Crap' Executive Producer Billy Svensen conjectured that "it may have something to do with the non-stop cursing, sex and vomit. Or perhaps the singing feces and all the impaling."
Teen broadcasting bastion MTV was on hand at IPECAC to unveil 'I Like to Watch,' a new reality-based series. Hidden cameras track the lives and travails of six attractive, mentally disturbed teens after they are locked in a gas station restroom. For hip-hop fans, MTV will offer the new series, "Yo, MTV Be Plannin' a Drive-By" starring hardcore rap legends MC Crackpipe and Ghetto Uzi.
Hip Hop acts were also in prominence at IPECAC music booths. Eager teens queued up for hours for autographs from rap artists Tec9, Nite Skope, MC 12-Gauge, Exit Wound, and Wack Sniperz, the latest project from hip hop impressario Big Fat Daddy Homicide.
Recording companies seemed to be taking a keen interest in the growing pre-teen market as well, with an emphasis on ‘hunky' all-boy singing groups. Pederasty Records displayed new acts Safe 6, Concubine Boys, ThrustNMoan, and ‘Nsufferable. The trend toward preteen girl groups continued to grow, with new record releases by the Slut Girls, 3 Ho's, and teen sensation Brittney Jailbait. After a short dormancy, heavy metal and speed metal acts seem to be back in vogue in 1999. IPECAC attendees were treated to previews of long-awaited new album releases by Bile, Phlegm, Boil, Filth, Pimple, Stench, Pus, Bunion, Goiter and Carbuncle. The popular bands will unite this summer for the 53-city 'Look At Me' tour.
In another sign of the resurgence of metal music, the biggest stir of the IPECAC conference came with the appearance of 92-pound transvestite ‘shock rocker' Jayne Wayne Gacy, promoting his new album ‘Worship Me, You Dogs.' Teens nationwide rave about Gacy's exciting stage show, which includes nudity, self-abuse, live satanic animal sacrifices and $5 soft drinks. After an intense bidding war, Gacy recently inked a 10-year, $200 million recording deal with PolyCrap Records, a subsidiary of Disney.
Gacy, the former Jason Vandegriff of Xenia, Ohio, said his act is all in good fun. “It's just theatrics,” explained Gacy. “I'm really nothing new. My fans' parents listened to Alice Cooper and Kiss; their grandparents listed to Elvis. I'm basically a rehash of Sinatra, really, with more rabbit beheadings.”
Rolling Stone music critic Greil Marcus attributes the popularity of Gacy to his message. “Like Dylan and Springsteen, Gacy is a troubadour with a message that resonates with today's youth culture,” noted Marcus. “That message is in songs like ‘If I Had a Pipe Bomb,' ‘I Finally Got That Pipe Bomb,' and ‘Read the Liner Notes for Easy Instructions on Making Your Own Pipe Bomb.'”
Gacy's poetic touch with the younger set is evident in his most popular song, the teen anthem ‘Kill My Parents':
Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill My Parents
Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill 'em now
Mr. and Mrs. John Vandegriff
They live at 4712 East Meadowbrook Court
Xenia, Ohio
Take exit 211 North from I-92 West
6 blocks on Taft Road, left after the Tastee Freeze
Two more blocks, look for a yellow bungalow
You can't miss it
The IPECAC conference received rave reviews from the hundreds of Wall Street analysts, investors and venture capitalists in attendance. “It was overwhelming,” said Pete Dailey of Nihilist Ventures, a Silicon Valley investment group. “We inked two dozen distribution deals today alone. Boy, am I going to sleep well.”
Kidder Peabody analyst Bret McElhenny voices a similar opinion. “The growth opportunities here are astonishing,” he noted. “I see nothing but good things ahead.”
IPECAC veteran Glen Howard was likewise stunned by the growth of IPECAC. Howard, 44, is considered by many to be the father of teen video games. In 1975, his fledgling company Inano released the classic games ‘Pixel Killer' and ‘Blipicide.'
“It sounds funny now, but teens in the 70's used to sit around for hours, trying to assassinate these simple little screen dots,” recalls Howard, with a bit of nostalgia. “Nothing like today, with the simulated blood flumes and dismemberment. In the old days, kids had to use their imaginations.”
Despite making over $2 billion from his innovative games, Howard said this would be his last year at the IPECAC show. “After seeing this year's program, I'm ready to move on and try new challenges,” he said.
“I'm moving to Madagascar,” he explained. “I think I want to get away from people for a while.”
(c) 1999 David Burge
Email IowaHawk_98@yahoo.com
"Boy 10: The Curious Case of Jason Hartz and Other Stories" by David Burge is available at www.upublish.com/books/burge.htm |
