SI
SI
discoversearch

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor.  We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community.  If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.
Pastimes : Calling all SI Poets
 Public ReplyPrvt ReplyMark as Last ReadFilePrevious 10Next 10PreviousNext  
To: Nomad who wrote (1734)4/28/1999 10:24:00 PM
From: jbe  Read Replies (1) of 2095
 
Nomad --

I assume that "Morning Coffee" and "Ambulance Attendant" are both your handiwork.

Quite good, both of them, especially the second. I think a couple of changes would make them still better.

For example, I don't care for the expression "little blue angel". Perhaps you might have been thinking of Heinrich Mann's novel (or simply Marlene Dietrich), but in the context of the poem "angel" sounds a bit saccharine. Your subject is such that it takes very little to spoil the "stiff upper lip" effect you seem to be trying to achieve.

You may tell me to mind my own business, and I'll accept that.<g>

But first let me tell you how much I liked the last two lines: "My faith struggled/to catch its breath."

Nothing makes a poem more memorable than an effective conclusion. The ending is what lingers in the mind.

jbe
Report TOU ViolationShare This Post
 Public ReplyPrvt ReplyMark as Last ReadFilePrevious 10Next 10PreviousNext  

HomeMailHotSubjectMarksPeopleMarksKeepersSettings
Terms Of UseContact UsCopyright/IP PolicyPrivacy PolicyAbout UsFAQAdvertise on SI
© 2025 Knight Sac Media.  Data provided by Twelve Data, Alpha Vantage, and CityFALCON News