This is kind of a long joke, but if you've never heard it, its a good one, and can be told anywhere by changing one word.
THE FARMER'S DUEL
A young man who is an avid hunter and fisherman, always has the first kill of a species mounted and on display in his bedroom. First largemouth bass, first pheasant, etc. So when he goes duck hunting for the first time, and kills his first duck with his first shot of the day, exclaims "I've gotta go get that duck and add it to my trophies!
"Displaying his youthful exuberance, the lad races off towards his duck, hopping over a fence along the way. As he bends over to pick up his duck, a deep voice behind him says "hey! Don't touch MY duck. That duck is on MY property. It's MY duck."
The kid explains about his trophy room, the first shot, etc., so the farmer says ok, they'll have a 'farmer's duel' to settle ownership of the duck. "Oh man, that's great!" says the kid. "That's great. What's a farmer's duel?"
"Well," the farmer explains, "we take turns kicking each other in the balls until one of us can't get up. The man still standing gets the duck."
"Coooool" says the kid as he spreads his feet apart, preparing for what was about to happen. The farmer, who weighs an easy 225, gets his balance, draws his heavily-booted foot back about as far as he can, and, beginning at his shoulders, the farmer twists into a kick into the boys oysters that lifts the kid about 18" up off the ground. Almost in slow motion, he drops back to earth, gasping, wheezing, and clutching his gut.
After a few minutes, he's up on his knees, and soon he's standing again. Walking over to the farmer, his breathing having now returned to normal, takes up his position and says assuredly, "O.K., my turn."
The farmer, hooking his thumbs into his bib overalls, looks the boy dead in the eye, and waving his hand, says, "...ah, keep the duck."
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