Jack,
Seems like we have a lot of time on our hands waiting for Monday to show up so ole DGIV can gain another eighth or quarter or more. Some of us get to run off to parades and fancy doings like buckdancing??? and lots of scouts??? I bet the place is full of Blondes. (I can feel the retort already, cringe, cringe).
In the meantime here is a quiz that I know you will pass with flying colors. This is for real men only and I am sure they will recognize themselves as they read the choices of the quiz.......
Subject: FW: THE REAL MAN TEST
Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions. Knowing
this, women will have come far in understanding men and enriching their own
lives if they carefully review the "C" answers.
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and
you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic
friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated
device
that
is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean
energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating
oppression
and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:
A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss
the most?
A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard
for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the
only
really sportsman-like way to let him know that, for
business reasons, you have to have him killed.
4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.
5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and
intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One Sunday afternoon the
two of you are taking it easy you're watching a football game; she's
reading
the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that
she
thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of
not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking
whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have
some kind of future together. What do you say?
A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a
future, but
you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot
honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to
make a lasting
commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding
out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on
third
and seventeen.
6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want
to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows
the
world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her
name,
and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her
hair and the
stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?
7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get
your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:
A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "There are three of them?"
8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new
holes so large that you're not sure which ones were
originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules
and
has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy
checks the garbage regularly in case somebody and we are
not naming names, but this would be his wife is quietly trying
to discard his underwear (which she is frankly jealous of
because the guy seems to have a more intimate
relationship with it than with her).
9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the
fact
that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before
they
finally got to the Promised Land?
A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they
finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.
10 What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.
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