VOLUME 1 ISSUE 26 cOUSIN SHORTYS FREE FREE CHICKEN SHEEt UNDERVALUED EMAIL TIP SHEET RUMOR NEWSLETTER!!!!(c)cOUSIN SHORTY
AHAHA AHAHA AHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
HEllO HEllO agIAN TO All My Freinds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY cOUSIN TAstes LIke ChikEN ghas somtning he WNAts to say HEar:
Tastes Like Chicken:
Hello everyone. I'm sitting here enjoying some famous homemade cheesecake with my good friends Glenn and Mary, and of course the irrepressible cOUSIN SHORTY. Many people have sent me e-mails and PMs asking what happened to Issue No. 26 of the Chickensheet.
It's an interesting story. Interesting to me, anyway. If not for you, go back to whatever you were doing, and sorry for the interruption.
About a week ago, cOUSIN SHORTY posted Issue #26 of the newsletter. it was an interview with a fictional character, employed at a fictional company called "Batguanowire".
That issue of the newsletter was deleted. Subsequently, I received an e-mail from SI explaining that it had been deleted because it was a personal attack directed at a single individual at an actual company called "Business Wire", and a warning that anything that was a personal attack, a copyright violation, or harassment, was a violation of the Terms of Use of Silicon Investor.
I didn't see it as a personal attack, since it was an interview with a fictional character at a fictional company on a fictional planet in another solar system, but I spoke with cOUSIN SHORTY and he then revised Issue #26 and changed the interview. He interviewed someone named "Narn", who was a giant reptile from another planet. No actual human names appeared in this revision. No actual human companies appeared in this revision.
Almost immediately, this revised interview was deleted. Shortly after that, about an hour and a half afterwards, I learned that my posting privileges were suspended for three days. I learned this because I could not post.
I then checked my e-mail, and discovered that I had been e-mailed by someone at SI and warned that this revised Issue #26 was considered to be nothing more than me antagonizing this person at SI, and if it happened again, I would be suspended.
The e-mail was, I think, about an hour prior to my suspension. I received no PMs at all from SI. After the e-mail, I guess this person at SI decided that the "happened again" part was null and void.
I wrote a courteous and professional response to this person last Wednesday, asking for a specific clarification on what I had done that was considered a violation of the Terms of Use. I explained that I honestly did not understand what I had done to violate the Terms of Use, and I wanted to know so that I didn't do it again.
(Also, some days before all this went down, I had posted a public message to the employees of Business Wire: #reply-9380424)
The day after I was suspended, I found out accidentally that my posting privileges had been restored. I immediately wrote a note to SI thanking them and saying that I was not upset, and had not been upset.
But I never got an answer back to my question; why I was suspended in the first place. I have a theory about this, and that's the whole reason for my little addition to the cOUSIN SHORTY newsletter. I'm posting this publicly because I have not received an answer from SI.
My theory, and I stress this is a theory, I have absolutely no evidence of this at all, is that somebody at Business Wire started hassling somebody at Silicon Investor about the cOUSIN SHORTY newsletter. I think that this person at BW hassled the person at SI so much that rather than try and sort it all out, the simplest and easiest thing to do was to erase my post and suspend me.
If I am right, I understand it, and as I said, I'm not mad at anyone at SI.
In my personal opinion, this lawsuit against Shell, Mitchell and Ulrich is blatant harassment. It is clearly illegal, and I would bet that any lawyer that was competent could see in a flash that it is just horse puckey. I think whoever is behind it is clearly insane, that's how idiotic the whole thing seems to me. I think that anyone who has a reasonable command of the English language and a rudimentary understanding of the law can see instantly from reading the press release and the complaint that the whole thing is a psychotic hallucination engineered by a nut case.
I could take this further and get into specifics, since I know who is behind it and I know why he's doing it. I know a lot more than I'm writing here. But that would serve no useful purpose; the good guys don't need to hear it and the bad guy doesn't give a rat's ass about my opinion.
But I will say this to Mr. Bad Dude:
You're wrong. You were wrong about this from the very beginning. You can't win. I think the longer you draw this out, the worse it will get for you. It's kinda like Boot Camp; there's enough hazing to find out who's on the team and who is in the Twilight Zone.
There was nothing wrong with Issue #26, and if you don't like it, then tough shit for you, pal. This is Silicon Investor, not your dream world. We are its members. We are the good guys. You are the bad guy; so your best bet at this point is to shut up and crawl back under whatever moss encrusted pebble you escaped from while the guards were on break. And while you are at it, take that slimeball attorney that wouldn't know ethics if it walked up an bit him on his vampire ass with you.
You can trust me on this, I am a professional.
Now, rather than get pissy about the deleted newsletter, since I like everyone at SI, cOUSIN SHORTY has a revised [again] issue of #26, which you can see below.
For the unrevised, original edition, loyal readers will have to wait a bit, it will appear on cOUSIN SHORTY's own site.
And now, back to my cousin.
TLC
AAHA AHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TANks BUddY! KIck SOme VAmpire aSS, DooD!!!!!!!!! cOUSIN SHORTY HEar, SO Here IS the SOCIALLy ACeepetable Interview!!
[fictional character suspended] Hear agaIN with anothER INNERVIEw to Hlep my FREInds understand [phrase deleted] Won of tha MAIN thinGD s that WE usless a [phrase deleted].
And so, This WeaK WE HALf the [phrase deleted]of the [phrase deleted]
[fictional character suspended] of [fictional company deleted] !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
© 1999 [fictional company deleted], all [phrase deleted] , [phrase deleted] [phrase deleted], [phrase deleted].
#Subject-[deleted]
AAHA AHA AHAH AHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
[fictional character suspended]: WELcome to thje [fictional location deleted] , [fictional character deleted]!!
[fictional character deleted]: Thank you very much. [fictional character deleted am always pleased [phrase deleted], [phrase deleted] [phrase deleted]. [phrase deleted], I always say.
[fictional character suspended]: WHAT is [phrase deleted], BY Yhe way?
[fictional character deleted]:: Let's just say that [phrase deleted], [excellent joke deleted].
[fictional character suspended]: RITe!!!!!!!! SPEAking of [fictional company deleted], [question deleted]????
[fictional character deleted]:: Well, [phrase deleted]. [phrase deleted], [phrase deleted]. [entire sentence deleted] . We don't [phrase deleted].
We were originally going to [phrase deleted], but we soon discovered [phrase deleted]. We thought perhaps [phrase deleted], [phrase deleted]. [sentence deleted] We [phrase deleted], such as [amusing name deleted], [amusing name deleted], [amusing name deleted], [amusing name deleted], [amusing name deleted], [amusing name deleted], [amusing name deleted], [amusing name deleted], [amusing name deleted], [amusing name deleted], and [amusing name deleted],
[fictional character suspended]: AHA AHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 [amusing name deleted], I LIKethaTOne!!
[fictional character deleted]: Yes, we did too. Unfortunately [phrase deleted] , [amusing different fictional character deleted], [phrase deleted], . She said [phrase deleted] , [phrase deleted], [amusing name deleted],.
[fictional character suspended]: WoW!!!!!!!! I haD NO idea [phrase deleted]!!!!!
[fictional character deleted]:: Frankly, we were a bit shocked as well, as you might imagine. [amusing different fictional character deleted] suggested [phrase deleted].
[fictional character suspended]: [phrase deleted]?
[fictional character deleted]: No, you moron, [phrase deleted], [phrase deleted]. [entire joke deleted]. Our goal was [phrase deleted]. That's not [phrase deleted], you giant [phrase deleted], you.
[fictional character suspended]: HAHA AHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 [sentence deleted] [question deleted]?
[fictional character deleted]: Yes, [phrase deleted], [phrase deleted] . [amusing character deleted] [phrase deleted]. [sentence deleted]. We are [phrase deleted] [phrase deleted] , [phrase deleted].
In any case, [phrase deleted], in fact, [amusing title deleted], except inside [amusing location deleted]. But, we felt a duty to be fair, so we decided on [phrase deleted], [phrase deleted]. [sentence deleted]
[fictional character suspended]: Yes, I See thaT!!! SO [phrase deleted] [phrase deleted]. [question deleted] ?
[fictional character deleted]: Well, as I said, [phrase deleted] [phrase deleted] , [phrase deleted] [phrase deleted] [phrase deleted].
[fictional character suspended]: AHA AHAHAHAH!!!!!! But I Wood THInk that [phrase deleted] [phrase deleted]. [question deleted] ???
[fictional character deleted]: Can't happen. [phrase deleted], [phrase deleted]. [really good sentence deleted]
To do that would require [phrase deleted], [phrase deleted], [phrase deleted] , and [phrase deleted]. The name of the game is [phrase deleted]. All we do is [phrase deleted]. It's simple. We'll [phrase deleted], as long as it's [phrase deleted].
[fictional character suspended]: THAt sounDS LIKe a REALLY interesiTNG [phrase deleted]!!!!!
[fictional character deleted]: Look, [fictional character suspended], this is [phrase deleted]. It's a bit like [similar but not exactly the same phrase deleted], like [phrase deleted], except [phrase deleted]. Think of us as [phrase deleted]. This is [phrase deleted]. Big [word deleted]. That's all I can tell you [fictional character suspended].
[fictional character suspended]: BUT WHATif you [phrase deleted] and [phrase deleted]?
[fictional character deleted]: You miss the [phrase deleted]. That's not [phrase deleted]. We leave that to the other [phrase deleted] [phrase deleted] [phrase deleted]. [laughs loudly]
It's a well known fact that [phrase deleted] [phrase deleted] [phrase deleted [sentence deleted] . We [phrase deleted], but we [phrase deleted]. It is a sad fact that [phrase deleted] and [phrase deleted]. We assume no responsibility for [phrase deleted]. [sentence deleted].
[fictional character suspended]: I Sea!! Sew [fictional character deleted] , WHAt aboaut [phrase deleted]?
[fictional character deleted]: You are missing the point, [fictional character suspended] . [phrase deleted] are convinced that [phrase deleted]. That's what makes it so easy to [phrase deleted]. We have [phrase deleted]. We understand the [phrase deleted] [phrase deleted] [really good paragraph deleted]. It's not a [phrase deleted], it's not a [similar phrase to make reader laugh deleted]. We know you [phrase deleted]. Our conclusion is quite simple: [phrase deleted] [phrase deleted] [superb metaphor deleted].
Not funny. Not even close.
[fictional character suspended]: AHA AH AHAHAHAHAHAHAH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 It STILL SOUNdsFUnnY to ME, [fictional character deleted]!!
Lissen [fictional character deleted] , mY assOCIAte oveR TERE in the AIRLOck has a [phrase deleted] , [phrase deleted] , [phrase deleted] , [phrase deleted] , [phrase deleted] .
AHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[fictional character deleted]: Really? Yes, yes, I [phrase deleted]. That's quite nice of you, [fictional character deleted] , you can expect a small, uh, [phrase deleted], [phrase deleted] . This is good. I can see [phrase deleted]. I'm pleased, I don't mind telling you that. I'm sure we can [phrase deleted] , [phrase deleted] , and [really good tie in punch line to the whole thing deleted]
[fictional character deleted] walks into the airlock, grabs the check, and [phrase deleted].]
[fictional character suspended]: NO PROBlem [fictional character deleted]!!! Just Turn that Handle Once you are in there, and [phrase deleted]!!!!!!!!
[fictional character deleted]: Thanks again, [fictional character suspended]! [sentence deleted].
[sound effect deleted] as [word deleted] and [fictional character deleted] depart the [fictional location deleted]
AHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
UNTOl nex time, this is youR Fronin, [fictional character suspended], saying,
sEEE YO A THE [location deleted]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[fictional character suspended] |
