Brilliant, Lather, absolutely brilliant! Sort of Learish, sort of Nashish! (And, I presume, done gratis.)
Just a few questions, aimed at making your composition Perfection Itself:
1)Or come to the lab, the lab
My sense of rhythm tells me this needs an extra syllable, to scan better, or an extension, or both. How about:
Or you can come to the lab, the lab,
Or you can come to the lab.
And in the second paragraph:
So come ye all to the lab, the lab,
So come ye all to the lab.
2) Capitalize Hyenas.
3) clean as Queena's
??
You'll have to enlighten me on that one. :-)
Joan |
