Claude- it's time for a jolly spot of revenge:
Tired of constantly being broke, stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young
husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance
policy
on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and arranging to have her
killed. A friend of a friend put him in touch with a nefarious underworld
figure, who went by the name of Artie.
Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse
was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that
he
wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance
money. Artie insisted on being paid SOMETHING up front.
The man opened up his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested
inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the
dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Safeway grocery
store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to
strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor woman drew her last breath
and
slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled
unexpectedly onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie
decided to strangle the produce manager as well. Unfortunately for Artie,
these events were captured by hidden cameras and observed by the
store's security guard, who immediately called the police.
Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store. Under intense
questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including
his financial arrangements with the hapless husband.
DRUM ROLL
( PAUSE )
And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared:
[You're going to hate me for this]:
*****ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT SAFEWAY****** |
