VOLUME 2 ISSUE 2cOUSIN SHORTYS FREE FREE CHICKEN SHEEt UNDERVALUED EMAIL TIP SHEET RUMOR NEWSLETTER!!!! (c)cOUSIN SHORTY
SUPER SERious NO Stick mARKIT Addition WITh Only A Few jokES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEllO HEllO AGAin to All my FREInmds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
AHA AHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TODay I half a SPACIal edition of the Chikensheet, because itiis an Interview with my cousin, the slighTLY FAMOUs
taSTES LIKE CHICKEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
WHo is STIll At LARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAHA AHAHAH AHAHA A HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
I HALf some FREsh SUSHI CALFirona Rolls and shrim[p rollS and other things for TLC and AND SID LIKES THE SASHImi to!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sew less get CRACKLIng/!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cS: TLC Thanks for stopping By!!!!!!!!
TLC: No problem, SHORTY. I must say that was quite thoughtful of you to provide the fresh sushi. And serving the Hawaiian wasabe and soy sauce that I like on a 1950 Ford hubcap is a distinctive yet unique touch as well. I almost always enjoy your living quarters.
cS: ALMOSt????? WHEn do you NOT?
TLC: Let's not go there, buddy. Ax me another question!
cS: AAHA AHA AHAHAHH!!!!!!!! THAts funny! You make good JOKes, TLC, so thAT IS THE FRIST QUESTIon: How do YO THInk up your Funny stuff?
TLC: Well, SHORTY, to tell you the truth, I just try and laugh about things all the time. I've had a few rough spots in the past, and I always felt better when I laughed. I don't trust people that have no sense of humor. I think they might be bad guys. I think if you can't find something to laugh about, you need to change seats in the theater.
cS: I thinG Its good to LAFF to!!!!!!!!!!! IS it True that you were PLAnning on lEAVING and GOING Back to our home plant FLAMFOOZy ?
TLC: It was true. As a matter of fact, I was ready to take off, eh. But when I sent my friends on Earth a note to say goodbye, they all objected to my leaving. They insisted that I stick around. Which brings up a question from me; I need a job. Is there room on the staff of the Chickensheet for your old cousin TLC?
cS: YOO Bet TLC!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAHA AHA AHAHAH!!!!!!!!! ALWays room for you!!!!! You can Be a Vice President In charge of the Vice where we squeeZE the SHORTS!!!!!!!! AHAHAHA AHAA HA AHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sid the ALL KNOWIng CAT will half a COLUmn too, you Know!! He's A GRATe stick pocker!! All I half to do is Finger out whatt he is saying telpATHCALTy.
[Sid does a psychic cat smile]
TLC: Do tell! Well, SHORTY, you know that if there is ever anything I can do to help my friends, I'm there.
cS: Yah!!!!!!!!!!! \ Yor frirends done seem to halFmucyh trubble with yo TLC,,,,…….. it's the pebbles that you dONT like that SEEm NOT To Be Happy WITh your REPTile ass, DooD. AAHAAHA AHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TLC: Yes, you are correct. Now that I have accepted an executive position with the newsletter, I'll have to tone down the nasty flames. Honestly, there are only two or three people that I have really cut loose on in the last year, and you already know who they are. The rest of what I do is usually good-natured ribbing, like what happens when you are the new guy on a submarine.
cS: WHAT DO you mean by THAT???
TLC: When a new guy goes on a sub, the rest of the crew has to know that the guy is OK; that he is not so screwed up that he may make a mistake at the wrong time. One serious mistake, and everybody on the sub gets to breathe cold salt water. Which, I have on good authority, is worse than Lucky Strikes ® on the lungs. So the new guy gets harassed enough to make sure he has a sense of humor and can take some heat in a tense situation. When things get tense, you want to know you can trust the reptile in the next theater seat.
See, I think life is like that; I think that almost all humans are really part of the same team. They are in a period of transition, as Jules said. They all have their own problems and their own goals, but basically they are moving through the game of life trying to avoid running out of food before they get rich. They want other people to do better, and to be happy.
Unfortunately for the rest of us, there are a few, a very few, that are more interested in pain, death and destruction than they are in helping things get better. Seems to me their goal in life is to make everyone else feel worse. It's those very few that I really don't like.
Those are the guys you just can't trust. They are few and far between, but they want to do you in, and it seems to me they just aren't interested in playing the same game as the rest of us.
I think the rotten apples, the really bad ones, should be rounded up and moved to a fenced in area in the Nevada desert, given knives and clubs, and allowed to work out their own ecological balance amongst themselves. I think the rest of the planet would experience instant relief, but most humans don't like my idea.
Which is cool, I can go along with that; I'm not from around here. I just hate to see the good humans breathing cold salt water and wondering why things are dismal while the bad boys chortle and rub their hands together and smile.
cS: AHA AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!The Nevada Desert! SOR T of SURVIVAl of the UNFITTEst, eh? I LIKe it!!!!!!!! It's A KINDa JERRY SPRinger Geraldo Emile milosiviCH SPECIal VIOLEnt CONSSPIracy Edition kind of Thing!!
TLC: Yeah, you got the concept. No film at eleven. No film at all.
cS: AAHA AHA AHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! NOW What about this DEAL LASt weEK WHERE You got KICked off SI????
TLC: I'm glad you axed me about that. As a comedic response to an insane chain of events, you did an interview, a parody, with a fictitious character from "batguano wire", a fictitious news service on another planet. As I understand it, somebody at Business Wire didn't think it was funny; which is no big deal in my mind, since they are the ones that are acting insane, and if anyone ever deserved to be made fun of, it's them, so who gives a rat's ass if they think it's funny or not. It's none of their business in the first place. Plus, that interview was funny. It was really funny.
Anyway, your interview got erased. Then you revised it, taking out what you were told were the references that were in some way causing the offensive foul, and that revised interview got whiffed instantly too. All I can say about it is that I think all the people at Silicon Investor are good people, and I think maybe somebody somewhere maybe does not have a sense of humor and maybe could spend a little time inside a fence in a dry climate, as far as I'm personally concerned, in my personal opinion, as it were, so to speak.
Good people don't need that kind of aggravation, life is hard enough already without these evil bastards whose goal in life is to make things worse for everyone else. Put the deluxe dildoheads in the airlock and move ‘em out with the rest of the trash, I say.
This is the Internet. Welcome to the 21st Century.
cS: SAY no MORE!!!!!!!!!! AAHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WatcH OUT For anybiddy with NO Scent of Humidor! SO IF we are All free, then Why ar you BITChing abut Business Wire? Arnet they free to do whatever they wanT TOO?
TLC: Well, SHORTY, I don't think freedom means you should be free to cause pain to people who don't deserve it. A buddy of mine came back from the Vietnam War and some chick he didn't know spit on him in the airport. Can you imagine that? This guy goes over there and risks his life for this woman he never met, comes home, and she spits on him! I think she spit on the wrong person. As a matter of fact, I am quite certain she spit on the wrong person. He's a good guy, not a bad guy. She didn't have to thank him, but she for sure didn't have to spit on him. You shouldn't spit on good guys, you should spit on bad guys, or you shouldn't spit at all. Some things are right, and some things are wrong. I think it all boils down to your intention.
cS: WHA T DOEs that HALF TO DO Wuth BISDNESS WIRE DooD?
TLC: SHORTY, just read that complaint. Some dunce is trying his best to damage these people. I don't think Bill Ulrich, Janice Shell, and Jeff Mitchell did anything wrong. I don't think they broke a single law. I don't think your interview about batguano wire broke any laws either.
What conclusion can you draw? BW says ‘it's not funny'. Well, it WAS funny. It was a joke! The Webnode people can prove it was nothing but a joke. It's OBVIOUS it was a joke! That was the intention, to make a joke and educate the public on investment scams. Business Wire's role in the gag is a small footnote. They could have said, "Ha ha, you got us, bye bye." like everyone else. Instead, they chose to try and prove that the entire gag was some sort of conspiracy to make them look bad. It wasn't, they can't prove it, because it didn't happen. They chose to try and prove the defendants are criminals and that there was something illegal going on. There wasn't, and they can't prove it because it never happened. They chose to assert that they are responsible for the Webnode press release, and its content. They weren't, and they said so in writing before the press release was ever published!
In the complaint, they open the door for anyone who has ever lost money because of a REAL press release from a REAL company that contained false information to sue Business Wire for possible culpability in whatever real fraud might have theoretically occurred, as it were, so to speak, in my personal opinion. You see the insanity here? Business Wire's intention is quite clear. They want to cause the defendants some serious damage, and instead they open the door for anyone who wants to, to take them to court for real fraud! That's the definition of stupid in my dictionary.
And why? Why bother? Out of the thousands of real companies that have published press releases through Business Wire, why pick the one that is not a real company? Why in the world would they make a big deal out of this? There is only one logical explanation as I see it. Somebody at Business Wire wants to hurt these people. Who cares why? Why try and figure it out? It's crazy! Maybe somebody at Business Wire needs a vacation, that's all. I think I'm right. In any case, it's my opinion, so the morons at Business Wire will just have to read my opinion.
And here is my opinion again: if you want to be a bad guy, go ahead on, just don't expect me to be afraid of you. I don't like bad guys. To me, you are just taking up space. You are less than useless. I know what you are trying to do. You can't fool Mr. Mighty Chicken. You look like a total idiot to every good employee at your company. They are embarrassed to work for you. I'd rather blowtorch your butt and light the drippings so you'll know that at least one person in the world might be onto your tricks. And I don't mean that in a bad way. I'm sure that with the proper environment, such as a dry atmosphere and some like-minded associates with blunt instruments, you could lead a more normal life.
And when you get on board the Desert Vacation Nutbar Express Bus, take Jerry Springer, Marilyn Manson, and that bad cop in New York, and all the other scumballs with you, and PLEASE leave the rest of us alone. Emile can go with you too; you'll like him, he'll tell you about how the Evil Jews from Hell control Business Wire and the rest of the media and the Congress and the gas stations, and the Christmas Fruitcakes For Peace need to take over the planet and clean up the mess.
What they all fail to mention, SHORTY, is one simple little fact:
Without the evil freaks trying to do the rest of us in, there would be no mess in the first place.
cS: AAHA A HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!! I Sea what yo MEAN TLC!!!!!! One final Queston! YOU sEEm prettty SMARt. What is the SECRET of Life???
TLC: I ain't that smart, SHORTY. I'm still willing to learn. I usually feel like the new guy on the submarine, myself. Ask Sid, maybe he knows.
[Sid does a psychic cat smile]
cS: AHA AHAHAHA AHAH HAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Sid DonT TALK TLC!!!!!!!! He's A Cat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TLC: Well, pay attention. Maybe he knows more than he's saying.
cS: AAHA AHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the InterviEW TLC, and to aLL my FREIds, this isyour FREINd , cOUSIN SHORTY. Saying UNTIl nex time,
See YO At the TOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
cOUSIN SHORTY
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