To: Hal Campbell who wrote (9042 ) 6/8/1999 8:42:00 PM From: Hal Campbell Read Replies (2) | Respond to of 17679
And while enjoying the customary water ( and hard water too..lol) torture slow trickle down ...some more off topic wasted space. A funny college application essay .....sounds like a potential AXC shareholder. ; - ) The applicant writes..... <<I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have > been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more > efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for > Cuban refugees. I write award-winning operas. I manage time efficiently. > > Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my > sensuous and godlike trombone playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe > inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in > twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw > in Peru. > > Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly > defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious > army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the > subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large > suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, > after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. > > I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. > Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening-wear. I > don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have > been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I > toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat > .400. > > My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany > circles. Children trust me. > > I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I > once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and > still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the > exact location of every food in the supermarket. I have performed several > covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; and when I do sleep, > I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated > with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of > physics do not apply to me. > > I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On > weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years > ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have > made extraordinary four course meals using only a toaster oven. > > I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, > cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. > I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have > spoken with Elvis. > > But I have not yet gone to college.>>