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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Susie924 who wrote (883)	6/10/1999 11:30:00 PM
From: FREAKAZOID	Respond to of 2380

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them. First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't giving' him any of mine." Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight him, run him off or kill him, but I'm KEEPING' ALL MY COWS." Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of." I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows." They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another- Bull these guys had ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point. First Bull: "Ahem...You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend." Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of, if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument." They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting. First Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it." Third Bull: "Hell, he can have ALL my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."

To: Susie924 who wrote (883)	6/10/1999 11:32:00 PM
From: FREAKAZOID	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2380

A guy goes into the store and says to the clerk, "I would like some >Polish Sausage." >>> >>> The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" >>> >>> The guy says, "Well, yes I am. If I had asked for Italian sausage would >>> you ask me if I was Italian??? Or if I had asked for German sausage would you >>> ask me if I was German?? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I >>> was Mexican?" >>> >>> The clerk says, "Well, no." >>> >>> The guys says, "Well, why do you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask >>> for Polish sausage????" >>> >>> The clerk says, "Because this is a hardware store,"

To: Susie924 who wrote (883)	6/10/1999 11:41:00 PM
From: FREAKAZOID	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2380

>SOUTHERN EXPRESSIONS...... > >Exclamations: > "Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!" > "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit." > >Threats: > "I'll slap you so hard, when you wake up your clothes will be outta style." > "This'll jar your preserves." > "Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!" > >Good Things/Compliments: > "Cute as a sack full of puppies." > "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help > me enjoy it." > "Gooder than grits." > >The Weather: > "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs." > "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch." > Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot." > >Descriptions: > A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off." > When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count." > If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats." > "He ran like his feet was on fire and his a$$ was catchin." > A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering >crap on a marble floor." > >Insults: > "She's uglier than homemade soap." > "Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale >to be weighed, it said 'To be continued'." > "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the >way down." > "Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits." > "The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead" > Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless >his/her heart." > She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart