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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: hcm1943 who wrote (2252)	6/12/1999 1:02:00 AM
From: Karin	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

One day, this guy, who has been stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibility of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly emerging from the surf walking towards him comes this drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned guy and asks, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years!" he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "man oh man! Is that ever good!!" She then asks him, "How long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" Trembling, he replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask, and gives it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swing, and says "Wow, that's absolutely fantastic! Then she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at him seductively and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?" The guy, with tears in his eyes replies, "Oh my God! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there!

To: hcm1943 who wrote (2252)	6/12/1999 1:03:00 AM
From: Karin	Respond to of 2733

There's this guy named Jack, and he has a girlfriend named Wendy. Jack loves Wendy a lot. To prove how much he loves her, he gets "Wendy" tattooed on his Favorite Organ. When it's erect, it says her name, and when deflated, it reads "We". So, when she sees her name on his masculine member, she is overwhelmed. He pops the question, and she accepts. They decide to go to Jamaica for their honeymoon. Once there, they try out all the local culture, including a nude beach. They are having a great time, when Jack decides to get up from sunbathing and get something to drink at the beach bar. He walks over to the bar with his deflated love muscle, trying not to let his eye wander and end up embarrassing himself. He orders a drink from the guy at the bar, who is also naked. He is surprised to note that the bartender also has "We" tattooed on Mr. Happy! Jack says to the guy, "Wow, what a coincidence. So, you have a girlfriend named 'Wendy' and her name is tattooed on your organ too?" The bartender looks slowly down at Jack's thingie, back to his own, and starts laughing. Flashing a wide grin, he says, "No, mon. Mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica. Have a nice day.'"