To: Sidney Reilly who wrote (40501 ) 6/14/1999 8:16:00 PM From: E Respond to of 108807
LOLOL! You are so funny! I knew you'd appreciate my opening joke, Sidney! LOL, really. But seriously.... How can the answer to what is or isn't 'acceptable' behavior on the internet be anything except the same as it has to be to the question of what is or isn't 'acceptable' behavior anywhere else? It's an individual determination, and protocols are evolving, and not much experience has accrued. Let's take the workplace. The wrinkles are still being worked out there, and how long have there been workplaces as compared to chat rooms? And different individuals and workplaces have different 'acceptability' criteria. My brother in law just took a sensitization course in sexual harassment, at his job. He learned that it is not 'acceptable' behavior to pat or slap a colleague on the back, even in a moment of collegial triumph. On the other hand, I have an SI friend whose boss tells her the most appalling, obscene jokes you can imagine. She likes the man as a person, though, he's a good and fair boss, he doesn't make passes, she counts her blessings and isn't offended. I think the individuals involved in hot 'n steamy internet interactions get to decide their acceptability-status themselves in the same way they get to decide whether it's acceptable to them to watch porn for the sexual excitement of it, or read Penthouse, or, if they're literary types, to read Nicholson Baker's Vox, or to flirt with the next door neighbor, or to incorporate sex toys into their lovemaking, or use the toys for free lance masturbation, or for that matter whether it's 'acceptable' to masturbate at all, if they're married, and if they do masturbate, whether it's acceptable to fantasize about individuals other than their spouses or acts and games other than 'acceptable' ones when they're doing it. And you get to think ill of those who draw conclusions about 'acceptability' other than those you draw, if you want, and say that you do, here and elsewhere. Don't we have a great country? As for how couples work this out, that will entail, also, a combination of old questions about drawing lines, and fantasies, and flirting, and the definition of porn and its acceptability to a particular couple, and drawing lines again; and... of new questions entirely. I think the reason the wife, in the case Cobe mentioned, puts up with it is that it is the best option she thinks she has at this time. That's usually the reason people put up with things. Love, yr cute friend, E