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Strategies & Market Trends : India Coffee House -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Swami who wrote (4588)6/14/1999 11:11:00 PM
From: Lola  Respond to of 12475
 
No problem Swami... if it had been anyone other than you I would have replied with a very vicious response. I know you were only kidding about the brain the size of a fruitfly ... you were kidding weren't you? LOL!

I guess you could say that I am biased because of my experiences. You're right, one serial killer grandma doesn't make for a whole nation of them. But you would be quite surprised how many there actually are. Just like you would be surprised how many serial killers there are and what type of profile they might have. It's never the guy you think it is.

One reason I get so angry about what she did is that hundreds of people (most of them relatives) knew she was a killer and accepted it as a part of life. That really shook me to the core of my being. What the hell was this? Family members killing other family members.

One of the feelings I had to deal with besides the depression and anger was guilt. I felt so much guilt that the woman who killed my sister loved me so much. I couldn't figure out how she could do that ... kill dozens of children (5 of them being her own) and yet show love to me. I used to think maybe there was something wrong with me and that's why she loved me but not the others. I almost drove myself nuts thinking about that. I tell myself now that it was God's way of protecting me... my not knowing the truth or not accepting it. She was what she always was... it was never hidden from me. I just refused to believe it until she confessed to my sister's murder and my mother confirmed it. Then it really hit home.

I can't change what evil exists out there but I can change myself. That alone is hard enough. All human beings sin... some more than others. My grandmother was the extreme. I have forgiven her in my heart.

Lola

P.S.: I did get even with her though... I gave her canned pork and beans for lunch when she was in Canada one time. She asked me what was in it after she had eaten it. I said "pork and beans". She almost killed me right there and then. LOL! You see she was a complete vegetarian and she felt that her body was like a temple. A total vegetarian for over 80 years until I gave her the pork and beans! She said that I had ruined her in the eyes of God. I said "No I didn't, you already did that when you killed all those babies". <ggg>