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To: Barnabus who wrote (25873)6/16/1999 6:55:00 AM
From: Sam Ferguson  Respond to of 39621
 
Dear Old Barney I may be ornery and pesky and far from perfect but I have found God who dwells in me and do not need to look for Jesus.

I usually try to create an ode for you but that lengthy one has me in Awe of your abilities. My best to you and the Mrs.



To: Barnabus who wrote (25873)6/17/1999 11:21:00 PM
From: Barnabus  Respond to of 39621
 
How to get off of the roof
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:9

A) Roofs are a great benefit
<><They protect us from the rain, snow, hail, and sunshine
<><They allow us to have a house-full of "things"without being
<><exposed to the elements
<><They allow us to be "free" from birds and debris coming in

B) Roofs were not intended to "house" hen-pecked husbands, but they become added "bonuses" for husband of a quarrelsome wife

So---if I find myself on the roof, how do I get down?

Firstly, make that roof a positive abode:
<><Wave to the neighbors when they go by
<><Root for the "home team" and be an energetic cheerleader
<><Watch for potential thieves, crooks, robbers with binoculars
<><Have a cell phone to report any suspicious activity taking place
<><Put up a bill-board and witness for Jesus

Secondly, don't denigrate your quarrelsome wife
<><Use a placard to mention the positive aspects about your wife
<><If she is a good cook, brag about it
<><If she keeps a clean house, tell the world
<><If she has been a good mother to 'yer kids---let it be known

Thirdly, pray without ceasing
<><Realize that God wants you to eventually come down off of the roof
<><Ask God to change you as well
<><Believe in miracles---wives don't like husbands staying on roofs

Fourthly, since it takes two to quarrel, learn to keep your mouth shut
<><A shut mouth will protect your foot
<><A shut mouth will make your quarrelsome wife only listen to herself
<><A shut mouth will even help you lose weight

Conclusion

Those that live in mudhuts cannot utilize the roof, how fortunate we are to have roofs!

OMB