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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ilaine who wrote (40680)	6/17/1999 8:21:00 AM
From: jbe	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

<<Women...choose mates who are good providers...>> Oh, yeah? Then how come I only chose poor men? Ain't I a woman?<gg> No, I rather think that the difference you note between men and women (in attitudes towards infidelity)stems from another source...The explanation, in other words, may not be quite that "unromantic" as you suppose. :-) Joan

To: Ilaine who wrote (40680)	6/17/1999 8:51:00 AM
From: nihil	Respond to of 108807

Marriage is an economic institution in most societies with its mission to provide mutual support for the couple (or larger group) and the children. Most peasant farming requires at least a man and one woman to make it work. Most hunter-gatherers require a man to go out and hunt (with other men) and a woman to stay home and raise the kids. There is no economic reason for the man and woman to have more than friendly affection for each other. There are many economic partnerships, even between men and women, without love or affection being involved. Sometimes the male-female economic partnerships are tough to keep on a purely economic basis because (IMO) men and women who work together and are attracted to each are so exposed to each at work that it is difficult for them not to fall in sex. Society or culture tries to make economic partnership permanent. People get old and need support. Who better than the lifetime economic partner? A woman with kids, overworked, tired out, may not be able to compete for the affection of a still virile man with a young attractive woman (how many cultures idealize the beauty of a woman of 10 pregnancies?). The men, of course, see things differently. In some societies they are urged and permitted to take on new wives, as many as they can afford. Women, forced into the economic world of marriage, don't all complain. Go knows what happens to the young unmarriagable male. Maybe he goes to war to conquer women from the next tribe with his similarly unaccompanied mates. A sexual relationship ouitside of marriage has existed in most societies. In Abraham's age there was concubinage. In Jacob's age there was prostitution, perhaps temple prostitution. In Jesus age there was adultery (despite the death sentence possibility). Today perhaps a third of children are born and half may grow up in companionate and transient marriages. (U.S., Sweden). Few men restrict their sexual relationships to woman. Few women restrict themselves to one man. Most relationships are illicit and outside of legal marriage over a person's lifetime. For two people to live together in peace and love for 50 years or more requires more than most of us can come up with. Alternatives are widely available. Discovery forces many people to break up. It's very hard. impossible for some, to know one's lifetime sworn partner is having sex with some one else. It does no good for one to say but "he or she is rich and very generous." This is not an economic question. This is existential. I define myself as wife-lover-mother, and here this husband-lover-father walks out and plays around. It strikes at one's very self. One's meaning. Its hard to come back.