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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: nihil who wrote (29347)	6/18/1999 12:14:00 PM
From: melinda abplanalp	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

I knew about sex when I was 5. My friends brother (probably 8) told us. He was of course trying to shock us and be a bad boy. I was o.k. with it. My mother then told me another story later. Since she is my mother I believed her (if you are too close to a boy you get pregnant). I never stood too close to a boy for years. Then I heard the first story again from a reliable source. I asked my mother if this (more accurate story) was true and she said yes. I was very upset and asked why she lied to me. I also, by this time, thought it was disgusting (between my parents). Maybe not so disgusting with a cute boy but probably painful. So maybe you are on the right track somewhat.

To: nihil who wrote (29347)	6/18/1999 12:45:00 PM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

Reading with some interest the postings from yesterday and trying to decide whether to venture any personal opinions .. So much of what you base your opinions on is your own early life experiences, many of which have come across as almost nightmarish and frequently out of the ordinary- certainly out of MY ordinary. I have to remind myself that if that is the basis for beliefs, then my life and experiences have no less validity. I would never presume to judge the efficacy or healthiness of your childrearing practices. You seem to find the results satisfactory. SInce my boys are only 16 and 18, I guess I can't announce what a success ours have been, but we have very differing approaches! We have never glossed over sex with silly stories, or not answered questions directly, but we have taken a much slower approach than you to sexual knowledge and activity. Most of the "sexual teachings" you gave your sons, seem to me to be no more than an extension of the way we want our boys to behave toward everyone- with consideration, and honesty, and respect. Personally I would never confront small children with the technical details of the act. Sex is a natural and beautiful thing when one is old enough to comprehend commitment and responsibility, but for smaller children, it can be a very strange and confusing thing indeed. Of course, I have different feelings than you about the place of sex in an adolescent's life. My guess is that there is no one right way to raise a child, and that some of the success will depend on the comfort level of the parent with what they're teaching. I'm also from the South, so I realize that ruins any credibility I could have as a reasonable, rational human being.

To: nihil who wrote (29347)	6/18/1999 3:34:00 PM
From: Ilaine	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

Maybe I just have a glitch in my psyche, but I believe that parents should stay out of the sex lives of their offspring. I think that telling them anything they ask, as straightforwardly as possible, is good. When they want to know, they'll ask. And they'll ask what they want to know. As I recall, we had these conversations when they were around 8 or 10 or so. They don't really want to be told about orgasms and pleasure and such, they are very modest, and such talk embarrasses them. They did have a few questions about what transpired between President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, and thought the President was "really gross." They don't approve of adultery. I do have anatomy books, and whenever they have asked about any part of the body, which has never been a sexual part, I've referred them to the anatomy book, and we've looked together, and I've explained anatomy and physiology. If they want to know what female parts look like, the books are on the shelf, they don't need me to tell them, I am sure. I've never told them masturbation is bad, or good, I haven't mentioned it. I've told them sex is private. I've told them they should never touch their private parts in public places. I think there is plenty of sex in books these days, that's where I learned about such things, Ian Fleming and Robert Heinlein.