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Microcap & Penny Stocks : DGIV-A-HOLICS...FAMILY CHIT CHAT ONLY!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: E'Lane who wrote (45259)	6/19/1999 11:05:00 AM
From: CWolf	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 50264

{{{{{{{E!}}}}}} Morning all... Been away for a few days and see lots of posts. I'm sure they are chock full of DGIV news, being that that's the nature of this thread <g>. Meantime, E!... I found this and thought of Noelle, the killer cat... INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING A PILL TO YOUR CAT 1) Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm, as if holding a baby. Position right foreinger and and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat's mouth opens, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away pill. 4) Remove new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) REtrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Ask spouse to come into the house from the garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one head while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throught vigorously. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail and get another pill. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set aside for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with it's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill into the end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with a pencil and blow through straw. 9) Check label to make sure that pill is not harmful to humans. Drink a glass of water to remove the taste. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto it's neck. Leave it's head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down it's mouth with elastic band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on it's hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and chech medical records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw away tee shirt and get new one from bedroom drawer. 12) Phone fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed car into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Get last pill from foil wrap. 13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy-duty pruning gloves. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner, push pill through mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold down it's head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash down pill. 14) Have spouse drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stiches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from your right eye. Visit furniture store on the way home to order new table. 15) Arrange for SPCA to collect cat. Phone local pet store to see if they have hamsters.