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To: LindyBill who wrote (32711)	6/19/1999 10:46:00 PM
From: straight life	Respond to of 152472

OTOT self-esteem for MEN tends to come from achievements... self-esteem for WOMEN tends to come from relationships "Your comment is sad, but true for both men and women, IMO. Building on relationships is really building your self worth on what others think of you, rather than what you have done. It is called being a "second hander". All Politicians do this. You are building on sand" I think you're missing something; you're begging the question. You use the term "achievement" as if it's self-explanatory; it's not, it's in the eye of the beholder. Likewise "Building on relationships" can also be construed as getting the input of many others and seeing it through their separate vantage points, benefitting from their life experience. Case in point (for example); a man struggles to save and then invest wisely. It becomes a habit; spending his whole life plotting an imaginary graph of his life's "achievements" as a series of figures in various brokerage statements. He's frugal long after it's necessary to be so and a loner, getting no feedback from others. He dies rich but alone, his whole "achievement" consisting of a letter from his lawyer to one distant surprised nephew, who discovers that he's the heir to a fortune from some little-known relative. Talk about building on sand. Perhaps if the fellow had had relationships he could've benefitted from seeing what he'd slowly become, benefitted from the prospectives of others and pondered a change in his life before age destroyed his ability to change. Just a thought.