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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karin who wrote (2266)	6/25/1999 11:48:00 PM
From: Karin	Respond to of 2733

A Day in Court A witness is testifying before the court, and the prosecuting attorney is asking him questions. "You witnessed the robbery, sir?" "Yes" "What was stolen?" "Two televisions" "Did you see the thieves?" "Yes" "Could you identify them?" "Yes" "Are the two men who stole the televisions in this courtroom?" At this point, the two defendants raised their hands. (What's a defense attorney to do?)

To: Karin who wrote (2266)	6/25/1999 11:50:00 PM
From: Karin	Respond to of 2733

Signs That You Might Be Stressed * You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up. * The sun is too loud. * Trees begin to chase you. * You can see individual air molecules vibrating. * You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso. * You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee. * You can hear mimes. * You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before. * You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly. * Things become "Very Clear." * You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go. * You begin speaking in a language that only you and Channelers can understand. * The less sense matter and matter is more than sense. * You keep yelling "STOP TOUCHING ME!!!!" even though you are the only one in the room. * Your heart beats in 7/8 time. * You and Reality file for divorce. * You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before. * You can skip without a rope. * It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code. * You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before. * You have great revelations concerning: Life, the Universe and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before. * You can travel without moving. * Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition. * You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies. * You have an irresistible urge to bite the noses of the people you are talking to. * You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before. * Losing your mind was okay, but when the voices in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend. WHAT? WHO, ME? STRESSED?

To: Karin who wrote (2266)	6/25/1999 11:52:00 PM
From: Karin	Respond to of 2733

"Too much Salt" A Slobovian diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Poobah was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant,Abdul, to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but one time he came the time when he returned empty-handed. "Frank, you son of an ugly yak, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Poobah. "A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "American man sit on well."

To: Karin who wrote (2266)	6/25/1999 11:54:00 PM
From: Karin	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Now I Know What Happened to ME! During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes." The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal." The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."