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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Susie924 who wrote (984)	6/21/1999 10:43:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Subject: RECIPE FOR LOVE Ingredients: 2 x Laughing eyes 2 x Well shaped legs 2 x Loving arms 2 x Firm milk containers 2 x Nuts 1 x Fur lined mixing bowl 1 x firm banana Directions: 1. Look into laughing eyes 2. Spread well shaped legs with loving arms 3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently until fur lined mixing bowl is well greased, check regularly with finger. 4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. (for best results, continue to knead milk containers) 5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably not over night) 6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana doesn't soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls Notes: 1. If in unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use. 2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use 3. If cake rises, leave town!

To: Susie924 who wrote (984)	6/21/1999 10:45:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

The Truth Will Set You Free At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug."

To: Susie924 who wrote (984)	6/21/1999 10:47:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2380

A Little Office Prayer Grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change things I cannot accept, And the wisdom To hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they Pissed me off. And also, Help me to be careful Of the toes I step on today as they May be connected to the ass That I might have to kiss tomorrow. Always give 100% at work....... 12% on Monday 23% on Tuesday 40% on Wednesday 20% on Thursday 5% on Friday And remember ....... When you're having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your middle finger. Now get back to work....

To: Susie924 who wrote (984)	6/21/1999 11:26:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

A married couple was enjoying a dinner out when a statuesque blonde walked over to their table, exchanged warm greetings with the husband, and walked off. "Who was that?" the wife demanded. "If you must know," the husband replied, "that was my mistress." "Your mistress? That's it! I want a divorce!" the wife fumed. The husband looked her straight in the eye and said, "Are you sure you want to give up our big house in the suburbs, your Mercedes, your furs, your jewelry, and our vacation home in Mexico?" For a long time they continued dining in silence. Finally, the woman nudged her husband and said, "Isn't that Howard over there? Who's he with?" "That's HIS mistress," her husband replied. "Oh," she said, taking a bite of dessert. "Ours is much cuter."

To: Susie924 who wrote (984)	6/21/1999 11:28:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Miss Annabell has just returned from her big trip to New York City and was having refreshments on the front porch of her daddy's mansion with her southern bell friends. She tells them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound. "You just wouldn't believe what they have there in New York City," says Miss Annabell. "They have men there who kiss other men on the lips." Miss Annabell's friends fan themselves and say, "Oh my! Oh my!" "They call them homosexuals," proclaims Miss Annabell. "Oh my! Oh my," proclaim the girls as they fan themselves. "They also have women there in New York City who kiss other women on the lips!" "Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls. "What do they call them?" they asked. "They call them lesbians," says Miss Annabell. "They also have men who kiss women between the legs, there in New York City," sighs Miss Annabell. "Oh my! Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls as the sit on the edge of their chairs and fan themselves even faster."What do they call them?" they ask in unison. Miss Annabell leans forward and says in a hush, "Why when I caught my breath, I called him 'Precious'!"