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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Susie924 who wrote (1011)	6/22/1999 6:07:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2380

SusieQ, I would guess Freak is the one on the right with the Lite Beer. Man after my own heart - about 15 years ago. LOL B

To: Susie924 who wrote (1011)	6/22/1999 6:10:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

God created the mule, and told him, "You are mule. You will work constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 35 years." The mule answered, "To live like this for 35 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so. Then God created the dog, and told him, "You are dog. You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 30 years." The dog responded, "Lord, to live 30 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so. God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years." The monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no than 10 years." And it was so. Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational Being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years." The man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord; give me the 15 years the mule refused, the 20 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 15 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 20 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grandchildren. And it is so...

To: Susie924 who wrote (1011)	6/22/1999 6:13:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast. On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, "Good morning sisters" and they reply in a sing song manner, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." This stuns the priest who thought he had been very polite but he just goes on. He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and he says,"Good morning Brother." The Brother replies in a sing song voice, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." The priest looks confused at all this but goes on. He gets a little farther and he comes across a fellow priest and he says, "Good morning Father." the priest replies in a sing song manner, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Now the priest was mad. He continues his walk to the dining hall not saying a word to anyone. The Bishop sees him and says, "Father ..." The young priest was not going to take any more even from the bishop. He looks at the bishop and says, "No I did not get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." The bishop looks at him stunned and says "What?" The priest realized his mistake and said "I am sorry your holiness, what is it you want." The Bishop looks at him and says, "All I was going to do was ask you why you had on Sister Ann's shoes?"

To: Susie924 who wrote (1011)	6/22/1999 6:15:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast. On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, "Good morning sisters" and they reply in a sing song manner, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." This stuns the priest who thought he had been very polite but he just goes on. He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and he says,"Good morning Brother." The Brother replies in a sing song voice, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." The priest looks confused at all this but goes on. He gets a little farther and he comes across a fellow priest and he says, "Good morning Father." the priest replies in a sing song manner, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Now the priest was mad. He continues his walk to the dining hall not saying a word to anyone. The Bishop sees him and says, "Father ..." The young priest was not going to take any more even from the bishop. He looks at the bishop and says, "No I did not get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." The bishop looks at him stunned and says "What?" The priest realized his mistake and said "I am sorry your holiness, what is it you want." The Bishop looks at him and says, "All I was going to do was ask you why you had on Sister Ann's shoes?"

To: Susie924 who wrote (1011)	6/22/1999 6:24:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

JUDGE ME BY THE FOOTPRINTS I LEAVE BEHIND A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco. "Mom and Dad I'm coming home, but I've got a favor to ask. "I have a friend I'd like to bring with me." "Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him." "There's something you should know the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mine and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us." "I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live." "No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us." "Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own." At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco Police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide. The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco. Then were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg. The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are. Thankfully, there's someone who won't treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are. Tonight, before you tuck yourself in for the night, say a little prayer that God will give you the strength you need to accept people as they are, and to help us all be more understanding of those who are different from us!!! There's a miracle called-Friendship that dwells in the heart. You don't know how it happens or when it gets started. But you know the special lift it always brings and you realize that Friendship Is God's most precious gift! Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us. Show your friends how much you care.... Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND!

To: Susie924 who wrote (1011)	6/22/1999 6:29:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire in the middle of the desert. After a rather large amount of Whiskey the competitive side of the cowboys got the best of them. They began telling stories of their strength and prowess. Each new story more unbelievable than the last. The first cowboy began, “Why just last week I was walking through this here desert and a rattle snake tried to bite me. So I grabbed it with my bare hands broke its bones and bit its head off.” The second cowboy answered, “That's nothing. Just yesterday I was in my bull pen with my biggest bull and he got angry and attacked me, charging at full speed, but I wrestled him to the ground with my bare hands and broke his neck.” The third cowboy sat there quietly listening to the other two as he slowly stirred the campfire coals with his penis.