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Pastimes : FLAME THREAD - Post all obnoxious/derogatory comments here -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Blue On Black who wrote (6884)	6/26/1999 1:24:00 AM
From: Druss	Respond to of 12754

Lee--Noel Blukowsky sounds exactly like our market target population. Since we are marketing a placebo we figured the functionally ignorant and illiterate was the prime market. I had the chemists add a compound to make the pills taste bad, you know like bad medicine does. It was supposed to be harmless. I am going to have to double check on it. Now about that 'serious rheumatiz medicine'. You didn't give him any of that wood alcohol shine did you? That stuff would make a statue hallucinate. Lee, tell me you didn't give old Noel that stuff. You didn't have any of that left did you? I thought we drank it all. Druss

To: Blue On Black who wrote (6884)	6/26/1999 5:29:00 PM
From: Bill Ulrich	Respond to of 12754

…hmmm, 'Bendthiswire'?, Drill Sergeants?, Honeymoons? Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction?: #reply-10285624

To: Blue On Black who wrote (6884)	6/27/1999 1:54:00 PM
From: Druss	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 12754

SI Midnight Rag Citizens for Clean Advertising (CCA) had a near riot outside the offices of Placebo Power Unlocked Potential Inc. (PPUP). The group was protesting the latest ad for 'Drill Sergeant' PPUP's erectile dysfunction drug. The television ad's background was termed 'lurid and disgusting' by CCA spokes person Ms. Patricia Carver. The background of the ad shows a rocket being elevated into an upright firing position and launching, then a looped shot of a train entering a tunnel, moving back and then entering it again repeatedly, followed by a scene of Old Faithful geyser erupting. In the foreground a Marine Drill Sergeant is saying, "As you all know there has been a sexual revolution going on for sometime. If you are like me, you have been out there in the front lines. Been a lot of tough battles and maybe age is catching up with the old soldier, a touch of battle fatigue has crept in. But you still want a few more rounds. Well, that's where Drill Sergeant comes in. You have got one old soldier you don't want to just fade away. Try a tablet of Drill Sergeant and see if he doesn't snap to attention. Drill Sergeant is the no nonsense way to get ready for an evening of hand to hand. An you sure don't want to risk that unless you can put some starch in Mr. Happy." CCA indicates they are going to attempt to organize a boycott of PPUP. CEO Druss of PPUP was not available for comment as he was investigating an unknown problem PPUP has encountered in Arkansas.

To: Blue On Black who wrote (6884)	6/28/1999 4:33:00 PM
From: Druss	Respond to of 12754

Arkansas Times Police today said they had a breakthrough in a moonshine case. Noel Blukowsky had been found in frenzied animal husbandry with a number of his neighbors slower grazing animals. Blukowsky reportedly had taken a powerful erectile dysfunction drug [it gets you hard, if any of our loyal readers don't know what that means]. Police were able to determine that the actual cause of his rampage was some moonshine laced with battery acid he had been drinking. "I tried that stuff myself in the interests of justice," Sheriff Bubba said, "Not much in the county were safe from me, Lord, I even had one on with my wife. That stuff is powerful, ifn you had seen her, you would know how strong it is." Mr. Blukowsky however has been unable to speak since his ordeal and was only able to write the name of the shine supplier. However due to his afflictions from the shine and a certain amount of genetic limitations, law enforcement people were only able to make out the following L C***. They were stymied until a local citizen Lee Cooper came forward and identified his neighbor Len Cramer as the likely culprit. Mr. Cooper's suspicions were confirmed after officers went to Mr. Cramer's home and beat a confession out of him. "I knowed it were him," Mr. Cooper said, "He wuz always saying I owed him money, wuz sleepin with his wife, and never paid him back fer the copper tubing and sour mash I borrowed. That just ain't true, I paid back that tubing and sour mash and his wife never complained none. He is the crook, he never returned the 150 Mason jars he borrowed. I been short of jars fer months cause of that. The Sheriffs Office issued a public thank you for Mr. Cooper's assistance saying that if more citizens would get involved in aiding law enforcement we would all be safer.