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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Susie924 who wrote (1056)	6/28/1999 9:48:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

"Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by legislation. Stupidity is not a sin, the victim can't help being stupid. But stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the sentence is death, there is no appeal, and execution is carried out automatically and without pity." -Lazarus Long

To: Susie924 who wrote (1056)	6/28/1999 10:01:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Excerpts taken from the great novel Time Enough for Love written by Robert A. Heinlien. Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, solve equations, pitch manure, program a computer, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. -- Lazarus Long Get a shot off fast. This upsets him long enough to let you make your second shot perfect. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet you can't win. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love A fake fortune teller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes. Keep this in mind, it may offer a way to make him your friend. If not, you can kill him without hate, and quickly. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love There is no conclusive evidence of life after death. But there is no evidence of any sort against it. Soon enough you will know. So why fret about it? -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love Cheops' Law Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well. --Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love A brute kills for pleasure. A fool kills from hate. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseum, keep her from drowning them at birth. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love One man's theology is another man's belly laugh. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love A generation which ignores history has no past and no future. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love When the ship lifts, all bills are paid. No regrets. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love You live and learn. Or you don't live long. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love A woman is not property, and husbands who think otherwise are living in a dreamworld. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love Never underestimate the power of human stupidity -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love Never try to out stubborn a cat. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love The more you love, the more you can love and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love A committee is a lifeform with six or more legs and no brain. -- Lazarus Long in Time Enough for Love

To: Susie924 who wrote (1056)	6/28/1999 10:02:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

The locker room Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play badminton. Suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women. He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says. He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either," she says, also not recognizing the unit. He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. "Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club"

To: Susie924 who wrote (1056)	6/28/1999 10:03:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2380

Not too long ago a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the speakers were many well known motivational speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech which, went over well. About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It seemed a bit foggy to him this morning. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" His congregation sat shocked. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"