To: Anthony@Pacific who wrote (39332 ) 6/27/1999 9:46:00 PM From: Matt Brown Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 122089
You all have probably seen this before, but..... (this is in no way intended for any of you) SIGNS THAT YOU ARE A DRUNK SHORT SELLING BASHER: -You lose arguments with inanimate objects. *You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. -Job interfering with your drinking. *Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. -Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts. *The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. -Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. *24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not! -Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem! *You can focus better with one eye closed. -The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar. *You fall off the floor... -Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops. *Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! -Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you *At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..." -Your idea of cutting back is less salt. *You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm. -The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in... *You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women or Men]. *Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive. -Roseanne looks good. *Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass. -That damned pink elephant followed you home again. *Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you. -I'm as jober as a sudge. *You wake up screaming "TORO TORO TORO!" in the middle of the night. -The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.