Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Robert O who wrote (1073)	6/29/1999 7:14:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

WHAT, EXACTLY, ARE THOSE CURIOUS ANIMALS CALLED CATS? 1. Cats do what they want, when they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play they want to be left alone. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 8. They're moody. 9. They leave their hair everywhere. 10. They drive you nuts. Conclusion: Cats are little, tiny women in cheap fur coats.

To: Robert O who wrote (1073)	6/29/1999 7:18:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Subject: cough There was a midget who complained to his buddy that his balls ached all the time. As he was always on about his aching balls his friend suggested that he go to the doctor & see what he could do to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the doctor & told him what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his pants & he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants & the doctor put him up onto the examining table & proceeded to look for the trouble. The doc put one finger under his left ball and told the midget to cough, which he did. "Ah! Ah!" mumbled the doc and putting his finger under the right one asked him to cough again, which he did. "Ah! Ah!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip on the right side & then snip, snip, snip on the left side & he told the midget to pull up his pants & see if his balls still ached. The midget was delighted as he walked around the doc's office and his balls were not aching. "What did you do Doc?" he asked. The doc replied... "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots!!"

To: Robert O who wrote (1073)	6/29/1999 7:21:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Subject: Mourning Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly calls her and urges her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie agrees to go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately fixes her with a single gentleman and it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills....and we know what that means. One room and the normal follow up to that. Their first night there she undresses. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He is in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks "Why the panties?" She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning." He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. Her standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he is wearing a black condom. She looks at him and asks, "What's with this... a black condom?" He replies, "I'd like to offer my condolences."

To: Robert O who wrote (1073)	6/29/1999 7:26:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2380

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat , "You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let me know." The cat thinks for a moment and says "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and says "Say no more" and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears. A few days later 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and go to heaven. Again the Lord there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer, "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running…..we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord replies, "Say no more!" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates. About a week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you've been here?" The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals on Wheels' you've been sending by are the best."