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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Philosopher who wrote (2285)	6/30/1999 4:47:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 2733

FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY 1 Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 2. A day without sunshine is like, night. 3. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. 8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. 9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. 10. Honk if you love peace and quiet. 11. Remember half the people you know are below average. 12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 13. He who laughs last thinks slowest. 14. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 15. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 16. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 17. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. 18. I intend to live forever - so far so good. 19. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back. 20. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 21. My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states. 22. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. 23. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. 24. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. 25. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 26. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. 27. No one is listening until you make a mistake. 28. The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it. 29. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread. 30. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it. 31. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. 32. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 33. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up. 34. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 35. Change is inevitable except from vending machines. 36. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade! 37. Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow. 38. Always try to be modest and be proud of it! 39. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. 40. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand... 41. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.