A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help you?"
"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
"We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your 'ear' or whatever."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my 'ear,'" he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"
"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.
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This guy is walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City and he runs into a hooker.
He says, "How much?"
She says, "Twenty bucks."
He says, "All right."
They climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her. The next night, he runs into the same hooker. They go under the boardwalk, only this time while he's banging her, she blasts two incredible farts. When they get done, he hands her $25 dollars.
She says, "What the extra five?"
He says, "That's for blowing the sand off my balls."
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Okay, it's a common theme here today...
A man walks into a brothel and approaches a beautiful Orientalcourtesan.
"Is it true Asian women have vaginas that run sideways?" he asks.
"Why?" she responds. "Are you a harmonica player?"
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A man was out walking a dog, and a woman stopped to admire the animal. "What's your dog's name?" she asked.
"Herpes," replied the dog's owner.
"How....odd," said the woman. "Why Herpes?"
"Because he won't heel."
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To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
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Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business,and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air."
The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped."
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Bumper stickers:
Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!
"Driver carries no cash; he is married."
If I wanted to hear an asshole's comments, I'd fart.
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A man was in an accident and his penis was chopped off. He was rushed to the hospital where the doctor examined him, and after careful examination said, "We can replace it with a small size for $2,000, a medium size for $5,000, or an extra-large size for $10,000. I realize it's a lot of money, so take your time and talk it over with your wife."
When the doctor came back into the room he found the man staring sadly at the floor. "We've decided," the man told him as he choked back tears.
"My wife says she'd rather have a new kitchen."
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A little girl is walking her dog, when a priest comes along and says, "Hello, little girl. What's your name?"
She says, "Rosepetal."
He says, "That's a nice name."
She says, "Yeah. When I was a little baby a rose petal fell on my head and my daddy's called me Rosepetal ever since."
The priest says, "That's so nice. Is this your doggy?"
She says, "Yeah."
The priest says, "What's his name?"
She says, "Porky."
He says, "Oh, I guess he likes to eat pork."
She says, "No. He likes to fuck pigs."
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Q. How do you recognize a blonde at the airport?
A. She's the one throwing bread at the airplanes.
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I was a first grade teacher. I had a small number of children gathered around a table for a reading group. After the story was read I gave the children a work sheet to do. I thought they
may have some problems so wanted them to work on it there. I heard a little girl say very softly "Jesus Christ!".
I leaned over and said quietly, "We don't say that in school."
She looked at me, her eyes got very big and she said,
"Not even when things are all fucked up?!"
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Mrs. Bandlow says to her husband,....."I had the strangest dream last night. It was Christmas,
and our tree was decorated with all kinds of penises. White ones, black ones, circumcised and uncircumcised, big and small. And on the top of the tree was the *perfect* penis."
Mr. Bandlow says, "I bet that one was mine."
She says, "Sorry, honey, it wasn't."
He says, "You know, it's weird, but I had almost the same dream. A Christmas tree decorated with pussies...shaven and unshaven, thin and thick lips, scented and unscented. and the one on the top was the *perfect* pussy."
She says, "I suppose that one on the top was mine?"
He says, "Nope. Yours was holding up the tree!"
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Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade !
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There was a girl named Alice who lived in New Jersey. She loved it so
much that she named parts of her body after places in the Garden State.
One night she confided this to her boyfriend as he was beginning to feel
up her right tit. "I bet you call this Mount Pleasant," he said and she
smiled in assent.
Working his hand down her ass he asked, "And this?"
"I call that Freehole." said Alice.
Getting hot and heavy, he maneuvered his hand around to the front. "I
bet you will call this Cherry Hill," he said triumphantly.
"Oh no," Alice called out, "that's Eatontown."
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A big-rig operator stopped to pick up a female hitchhiker wearing REALLY short shorts.
"Say, What's your name, mister?" she inquired, after she climbed up in the truck.
"It's Snow----Roy Snow," he answered, "and what's yours?"
"Me, I'm June----June Hansen," she said.
After a short while she asked, "Hey, why do you keep sizing me up with those sidelong glances?"
"Can you imagine what it might be like," he countered, .having eight inches of Snow in June?" |
