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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karin who wrote (2304)	7/3/1999 2:40:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 2733

Stumpy & Martha Take a Ride Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, “Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane.” And every year Martha would say, “I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.” One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, “Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance.” Martha replied, “Stumpy that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.” The pilot overheard them and said, “Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars.” Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Stumpy, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't.” Stumpy replied, “Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.”

To: Karin who wrote (2304)	7/3/1999 10:33:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 2733

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets to talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large." Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows." The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?" The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q. What is the difference between an outhouse and a Polish bride? A. The hole is smaller in the outhouse. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informed her that she couldn't enter without it. A few moments later, the lady reappeared, wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest said, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this house of worship without your wearing a blouse." "But Father, I have a divine right," she said. "Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter this church."