***OT*** Easy Come, Easy Go...Divorce California Style
Bob, I feel for your friend. It is easy to say that we would never be that naive/stupid, but I also could be on the verge of losing all or most of my assets. I have a small position in MRVC at 7.75 and a large position in Qualcomm at a split adjusted price of 21.5 (it is up to 140 now), other stocks, and real estate.
How could this be happening to such a smart, nice, and modest man as me? I tell this story with the sole purpose of educating some others through my experiences. Do not pity me, I may lose it all, but will make it all back sooner or later, one way or another. ;-)
Three years ago I married a wonderful, sweet and beautiful women who stole my heart. She had started a small travel office for a large travel company from scratch, and seemed to be a hard working women. She also had some acting experience. About one year after the marriage, she left her job due to "carpel tunnel syndrome" (can you say "insurance fraud"?). She has not worked in the past 2 1/2 years, riding the disability bandwagon and taking the insurance company for all she can. She refuses to look or even train for another job until her permanent disability claim is settled, and the insurance company has stopped paying a monthly disability check because they feel that she can work. She spends most of her time watching soap operas.
Now we are getting divorced, mostly for her refusal to work and her spending habits. I will not even go into the 40 or so pounds she starting gaining immediately after saying "I DO". She refuses to work out a settlement or to use a less expensive alternative like arbitration or mediation, instead suing me for everything. Because she is not working, the temporary spousal support/alimony could be up to 40% of my income.
The worst part is that I may have to pay most or even all of her attorney fees because I have money (aquired prior to marriage and defined in a prenuptial agreement) and she claims that she does not, despite the $20,000 I will give her to buy her out of our community property condo. Yes, even with the Pre-nup, they can use my separate assets to "prove" that I should pay her almost unlimited (at least until my money runs out) attorney fees. They say "reasonable" attorney fees, but you can imagine how that is defined by the attorney doing the billing. I have heard through mutual friends that she is bragging that she is going to "make me pay".
Also, I need to pay for her to live "in the manner she grew accustomed to" during the marriage, despite the fact that she had lived in a 1 bedroom condo for 6 years prior to marriage and is now refusing to work.
Now they have demanded all of my financial records for the last 3 1/2 years. This is not a problem with me, as I am not hiding anything and can easily prove that all of my current separate assets derive from separate money originating from the separate assets defined in the prenuptial agreement. The problem is that her attorney intends to throughly review each bank statement (I have 5 accounts), every check register, every tax return, every brokerage account, every property deed, etc., at $200 per hour, which they expect me to pay. If I request the same information from her, (particularly her medical records to show she can work and financial information to show her fiscal irresponsibility) her attorney will also have to review everything, again charging me.
The fight is just starting, and nothing is set in stone with California divorce law, but I could easily spend $100,000 or more on her attorney, my attorney, fees, spousal support, etc., just about wiping out all of my profits in the stock market, and more. All that for a 3 year marriage with no children.
The morale of this story: DO NOT MARRY ANYONE WHOSE FINANCIAL SITUATION IS SIGNIFICANTLY LESS THAN YOURS. DO NOT PLAY THE "HERO" AND RESCUE THE POOR DAMSEL IN DISTRESS. There is a reason she is in distress. Do not make it your problem.
I am learning this the hard way. I just hope someone will be able to learn from my experience, and now have a new mission in life -- explaining the California Divorce nightmare to all the single people I know, especially those with some potential for success. It is just too easy to lose it all.
Feel free to forward this to anyone, especially anyone in California with large stock markets assets who may be thinking about getting married.
On the lighter side, I did a little math and calculated that for every time we "did it", this relationship will have cost me $200 - $400.
Signed,
Single and broke, but happier! |
