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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: James R. Barrett who wrote (44341)	7/6/1999 9:59:00 PM
From: The Philosopher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

PS: I was glad we weren't invited. Translation: you really were invited but you didn't want to go and didn't want to have to say why you didn't want to go, so you threw away the invitation before your wife saw it.

To: James R. Barrett who wrote (44341)	7/6/1999 10:59:00 PM
From: jbe	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Jim, just in case you didn't see penni's and Sidney's remarks, which were posted to me: Penni: Does the friend live far away? Have they remained close over the years or is this just a CHristmas card friendship? If they are that close, why didn't your wife call and say, I haven't received an invitation to Lulu's wedding? maybe it got lost in the mail. Or have another friend ask, if it felt that important. I am so frequently remiss myself about doing the right things, that I can't get too upset when others screw up. Usually people don't mean to do things that hurt others. Does she even know? ANd if not, then I'd say after three years of her being ignored and not noticing, they really WEREN"T very close! Message 10403749 I think that the "friend" should have come forward with an explanation three years ago. By not doing so then or since she has shown an indifference to the friendship that to me seems very conclusive. Whatever the reason there has not been any action to save the friendship on the other side either. Message 10403797 Well, your response to me answers most of penni's questions. Your wife did not call asking why she had not received an invitation, because she had been led to believe it would be a small family wedding. The attempt, apparently, was to deceive her. So the only question that remains is: did the "friend" ever try to apologize, or at least to explain? If not, I go with Sidney. The way it looks, your wife's "friend" rebuffed your wife, before your wife rebuffed her. She was saying, essentially: "I do not want you as my friend." Your wife assumed she meant what she said. And since the friend apparently never "took it back," your wife was right. I still say that if your wife encounters her at social functions, she should not make a point of "cutting" her, since that sort of thing damages the person who does it more than the person it is being done to. Now, you say that "they used to do a lot of things together" and so you don't think "it's worth throwing it all away over a stupid wedding." In the first place, I don't think the wedding itself is the issue. It's the invitation. You invite your close friends to weddings. If you do not invite a close friend, that means you do not consider him/her to be a close friend. Secondly, this friend was supposed to be a friend, not an acquaintance, not a fishing-buddy, not a drinking-buddy, not a shopping-buddy, whatever. Friendship is an intimate relationship, and it needs tender loving care. There are things you can and will put up with in an acquaintance that would destroy a friendship. Joan

To: James R. Barrett who wrote (44341)	7/6/1999 11:58:00 PM
From: Ilaine	Respond to of 108807

If someone is a good friend, then you expect to share in life's milestones together. For example, a surprise party for someone's 50th birthday. That's a pretty serious thing. Something like the wedding of one's child is a serious milestone. Of course, the bride is the one who is doing the inviting, and the groom, too. But everyone knows that the parents get to do a lot of inviting. My own parents invited more people to my reception than I did, but hey, they were giving the party! If it had been my own party, I would most likely not have invited any of them. If your wife thinks she was dissed, I wouldn't second guess her on this one.