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Pastimes : FLAME THREAD - Post all obnoxious/derogatory comments here -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Rainy_Day_Woman who wrote (7161)	7/7/1999 1:21:00 AM
From: Mr.Manners	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 12754

why he's like putty in the hands that what his ex-girlfriend, Bughouse, used to say

To: Rainy_Day_Woman who wrote (7161)	7/8/1999 12:07:00 AM
From: Mr.Manners	Respond to of 12754

What I Learned In Flame School 1. Leave the photocopier at work set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. 2. Sit in your yard pointing a hairdryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". 4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it with your pen while talking to others. 5. Sing along at the opera. 6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up" 7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think" 8. Practice making fax and modem noises. 9. Highlight irrelevant material in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss. 10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy" 12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the cartridge across the room. 14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. 15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way". 16. Staple papers in the middle of the page. 17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise. 18. Honk and wave to strangers. 19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. 20. TYPE ONLY IN UPPER CASE. 21. type only in lower case 22 don't use any punctuation either 23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route whole streets. 24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now" 25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 26. Try playing the William Tell Overture (The Lone Ranger Theme) by tapping on the bottom of your chin. Then nearly done, announce, "No, wait, I messed it up", and repeat. 27. Ask people what gender they are. 28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. 29. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage" 30. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. 32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble the answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles" 33. TELL YOUR FRIENDS 4 DAYS PRIOR, THAT YOU CAN'T ATTEND THEIR PARTY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT IN THE MOOD! 34. Send this list to everyone in your e-mail address book even if they sent it to you or ask you not to send things like this!

To: Rainy_Day_Woman who wrote (7161)	7/8/1999 12:14:00 AM
From: Mr.Manners	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 12754

Things Never Said by Flamers 40. Oh I just couldn't, hell, she's only sixteen. 39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. 38. Duct tape won't fix that. 37. Honey, I think we should sell the pick-up and buy a family sedan. 36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken. 35. We don't keep firearms in this house. 34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer? 33. You can't feed that to the dog. 32. I thought Graceland was tacky. 31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe. 30. Wrestling's fake. 29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? 28. We're vegetarians. 27. Do you think my gut is too big? 26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy. 25. Honey, we don't need another dog. 24. Who gives a shit who won the Civil War? 23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds. 22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor. 21. Spittin is such a nasty habit. 20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today. 19. Trim the fat off that steak. 18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. 17. The tires on that truck are too big. 16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad. 15. I've got it all on the C drive. 14. Unsweetened tea tastes better. 13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled? 12. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's. 11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl. 10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams. 9. Checkmate. 8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini. 7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts? 6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen. 5. I don't have a favorite college team. 4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side. 3. You All. 2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla. 1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.

To: Rainy_Day_Woman who wrote (7161)	7/8/1999 12:20:00 AM
From: Mr.Manners	Respond to of 12754

*The Boss* Reviews A Job Application** McDonald's Fast Food Job Application: NAME: Nasty Nathanc DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. SALARY: Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It stunk. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.