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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Sammie who wrote (1173)	7/12/1999 9:59:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

SIGNS YOU'VE CHOSEN A "NO FRILLS" AIRLINE They don't sell tickets, they sell chances. All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out. Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot. You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change. Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking. The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, "Just once." No movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes. You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane. All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.

To: Sammie who wrote (1173)	7/12/1999 10:01:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2380

Top 10 Signs Your Amish Teen Is In Trouble 10. Sometimes stays in bed til after 6am. 9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets. 8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup. 7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou suck!" 6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy." 5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap." 4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks. 3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening." 2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese." 1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.

To: Sammie who wrote (1173)	7/12/1999 9:36:00 PM
From: Susie924	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2380

How to Get a Job...NOT! The interview is a critical step in the employment search process. But a recent survey found some ways NOT to create a good first impression during the interview. OfficeTeam - a California-based staffing service for administrative professionals - asked its managers to describe the most unusual thing they'd ever heard of happening during a job interview. Some of their responses included: - "When asked about her motivation for working, the candidate said it was to feed her six dozen animals at home." - "The applicant's reference sheet listed a person with the title 'Dad.' When the interviewer asked if this was his dad, he said - 'No, but he is a dad."' - "When asked how he liked working with customers in his past position, the interviewee replied - 'I don't like it when people hassle me."' - "When asked about her proficiency with software programs, the candidate pulled out a photo of herself standing next to a computer and said - 'This shows my familiarity with today's office equipment."' - "When discussing why the candidate had been fired from several jobs, he said his previous employers had conspired to place a curse on him, and he was conducting his own secret investigation." - "The candidate asked if his rabbit could come to work with him... noting the rabbit was focused and reliable but he himself had been fired before." - "The interviewee abruptly halted a discussion about her previous work experience, telling the interviewer - 'There's no need to discuss this further. I've had these skills since before you were born."' - "Responding to a question about his ideal job, a candidate said - 'To lie in bed all day, eat chocolate and get paid."' - "When asked about formal education, the candidate replied - 'I don't need any. I'm certified by the school of real life."' - "When the hiring manager walked into the lobby to greet the candidate, she was 'feeding' her virtual pets and asked him to wait just a minute." - "The candidate walked into the hiring manager's office with a brown bag and proceeded to eat lunch during the interview...saying she was 'multi-tasking' during a long day of interviews." - "A candidate's cuff link fell off as he reached out to shake the interviewer's hand. Instead of picking it up, he kicked the cuff link under the desk thinking the hiring manager would not notice." - "A beeping noise was coming from the candidate's briefcase. He opened it...switched off an egg timer...and said he could answer one more question without being late to his next interview." ---