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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: greenspirit who wrote (45578)	7/14/1999 7:45:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Michael, it is surprising how much the adults in cyberspace revert to being children! Having tossed that smart crack in for fun, I don't think that Chris is missing your points. Perhaps the pathways of his thought process are not altogether clear--although I know from a PM that he finds the points you are raising worthy of serious thought by all of us--but what I think he is doing is leaping from your cogent observations that people do affect one another by what they say and how they behave and, in the process, effect changes in behavior to parenting, since you are a parent, as he is. He is observing that even children are not tabulae rasas. I think he is trying to examine with you the effect of expectations in a very specific case.

To: greenspirit who wrote (45578)	7/14/1999 7:49:00 PM
From: jbe	Respond to of 108807

<<We are not children on this thread.>> .....Although sometimes we behave as if we were -- specifically as if we were fourth-grade children. <gg> Do you suppose that was what Christopher was getting at? In a roundabout way? ???? I'm puzzled, too... Joan

To: greenspirit who wrote (45578)	7/14/1999 7:51:00 PM
From: Rambi	Respond to of 108807

From my admittedly rushed reading of posts today, I got the idea that CH et al interpreted your position as saying people are able to control emotions themselves. If you meant this, I would agree with him; no one can stop those rushes of anger, fear, indignation, irritation, impatience, but one certainly can decide HOW to use the emotional response. ANd that's what I think you might mean. It's confusing when you say "control emotional responses", which implies the choice to NOT FEEL or to feel in a certain way. Not possible- unless one has had some kind of psychotic break with reality! But I definitely believe we choose how to act on our emotions. So that if Terry says to me, "You are a stupid parrot," I may have the immediate uncontrollable feeling of anger or hurt, but I can choose my response- to say something rude back or I can choose to ignore him, or I can choose to laugh with him and ask for a cracker. We all know what the BEST response is for us, we just don't always choose it.

To: greenspirit who wrote (45578)	7/14/1999 7:52:00 PM
From: The Philosopher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

I don't think I missed your points. But (E?) noted that children change one's outlook on life, and I was picking up on that. I find, as do many parents I talk with, that before I was a parent I was sure I knew things as certainties, but after parenthood I am lucky if I am sure I think I know things as probabilities. I raise that with you because of your level of certainty that everybody should be able to control their responses completely. Most parents find out that no matter how much they believe in controlling their responses, at times it just doesn't happen. Children can make even the most mild-mannered people snap at times. Mine made clear to me that there are definite limits to the ability to self control. If in all the years of parenthood you never come out with a reaction that you then or later realize you should have controlled, you are a person I would like to meet to decide whether you qualify for sainthood or institutionalization. (Those would be the only two options!)