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Pastimes : FLAME THREAD - Post all obnoxious/derogatory comments here -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Alan Smithee who wrote (7262)	7/16/1999 12:32:00 AM
From: Mr.Manners	Respond to of 12754

Visit The DSGumby School of Business THE GUMBY SCHOOL OF BUSINESS GBS offers a wide variety of independent study programs ranging from obtaining SBA Loans to international securities fraud. Our Course Materials have been prepared by experts in their respective fields located in the finest correctional institutions on three continents. The Gumby School of Business was named after Mr.Carlo Ponzi, who obtained money from investors, using some of the investor money to pay "dividends" to other investors, creating the illusion of a successful investment, while he was pocketing the balance of the invested funds. The practice is commonly referred to as a "Ponzi Scheme" and a Ponzi-type operation is also known as a "bucket shop" or the Social Security System. BUSINESS 101: ETHICS (No Credit) Case histories of famous robber barons, con artists, swindlers, grifters and politicians are reviewed. BUSINESS 1O2: THE SWISS BANKING SYSTEM How to open up your numbered account in Zurich. [Trip to Switzerland not included in Course Materials.] BUSINESS 103: TAX HAVENS Numerous small countries (mostly in the Caribbean) offer opportunities to locate businesses and open up bank accounts that are not subject to U.S. taxation. [Field trips to the Netherlands Antilles and the Grand Cayman Islands can be arranged for a substantial price.] BUSINESS 1O4: EXTRADITION TREATIES The laws of Brazil, Costa Rica, and other countries lacking effective extradition treaties with the United States are carefully explained. Itinerary of Robert Vesco included. [Note: if you are a former governmental official of Mexico, a special section is offered on exile in Cuba.] BUSINESS 105: TIME SHARE CEMETERIES The newest wrinkle on real estate opportunities is explained. Double occupancy rates are covered. BUSINESS 106: YARD SALES How to get rich buying junk at other people's yard sales and selling this dreck at your own yard sale for a profit. BUSINESS 109: MONEY CAN MAKE YOU RICH Learn how to borrow money from friends without having to pay it back. BUSINESS 201: INDIGENT ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT Selling "will work for food signs" and reserving street corners is covered. Samples of effective signs such as "To Be Honest I Just Want To Buy Some Beer" are included.

To: Alan Smithee who wrote (7262)	7/16/1999 1:03:00 AM
From: Rainy_Day_Woman	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 12754

Gumbiness~ the steers were loosed by Kasha shortly after he performed the castrations and, thinking to do the job a little better, tried to circumcise the last bull thank you for bringing this to our attention to think that man is on the loose with a scalpel!!! is any bull safe? foxness

To: Alan Smithee who wrote (7262)	7/16/1999 6:32:00 PM
From: Mr.Manners	Respond to of 12754

DSGumby In The News: Fake Bank Manager Arrested AMSTERDAM (Rooters) - Police said Thursday they had arrested a man, DSGumby, in a pink tutu, suspected of having defrauded two German investors of around one million guilders ($460,000) by renting an office above an Amsterdam bank and posing as its director. The 45-year-old man and his accomplices (Nasty Nathanc, and a certain Ms Foxy) rented the office for a couple of hours to receive the two Germans, who handed over securities, gold and cash worth around a million guilders, police said. ''They created the impression they were part of the bank,'' a police spokeswoman said. The duped investors were given a receipt on stolen bank stationery, she said. Police were called in after bank staff reported seeing men acting suspiciously outside the branch. They arrested the fake director, who was inebriated and smelling of TBird, recovering the stolen goods after searching Gumby's cardboard hovel in North Amsterdam. Bulletins are out for the capture of Foxy and Nasty Nathanc who at last report were supposedly seen heading for the sunset in a rusted Datsun overloaded with TBird bottles, and a 'Farewell to Gumby' sign that prompted investigators to believe they had planned abandoning DSGumby.

To: Alan Smithee who wrote (7262)	7/16/1999 6:56:00 PM
From: Mr.Manners	Respond to of 12754

Nasty Is At It Again Little things mean a lot In Turkey, Nasty Nathanc, 52, tried to cure his sexual impotence by having a penis transplant - using a donkey as the donor. The wire service Agence France-Presse reported that three times Nasty brought home a donkey, amputated its sexual organs and appealed in vain for a doctor to perform the operation. Apparently the third time so annoyed his family that his son shot him in the leg. Apparently there have been numerous requests from the DSGumby Institute of Infamy for the organ, with the notation that they intend to 'make beautiful music.' The family is considering arming the son and sending him to the Institute.

To: Alan Smithee who wrote (7262)	7/16/1999 7:04:00 PM
From: Mr.Manners	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 12754

Kay it ain't so, Foxy The town council of Gold Hill, OR, voted to fire Police Chief Foxxx Dress for selling Mary Kay cosmetics out of her cruiser and praying on behalf of a suspect she believed was possessed by the devil. Foxy, who was the town's only paid police officer, also reportedly required suspects to profess their faith in God before she would release them. Reportedly criminals lined up to be frisked by Police Chief Foxy. In fact, this intrepid reporter underwent such a frisking just last week - and has another appointment tomorrow, if he can only think of a crime first. Polce Chief Foxy has said, 'if dey has a hidden weapon, I will find it.'